1282 - BRAWN

BARney was plotting to scare his friend Colin. In the process of setting it up, he slipped and, with a great crash, landed on the floor. He was unharmed (apart from his pride), and straight way got back to the prank. At last it was ready. Colin drove in to his driveway, but Barney's clever arrangement of mirrors and painted scenes convinced Colin that there was another car approaching fast and despite standing on the brakes, a prang was inevitable. Colin was shocked and reached for his water bottle. He drank from it on his drive home - could it have been tampered with and had he drunk something intoxicating? As he reeled from all this, an orang-outang knocked on his car window, scaring the wits out of him. The ape indicated to Colin to open his window. Very cautiously, Colin cracked open the window. "What brand of toothpaste do you use, sir", it asked. There was something about that voice that sounded familiar. Suddenly, Colin jumped out of the car and wrestled Barney to the floor; Colin had much more brawn than the skinny Barney. "You beast, Barney, you've given me a nasty shock and scared the living daylights out of me. But I will give you credit for the elaborate contraption in my driveway. Let's meet in the pub in an hour and you can tell me how you did all that", said Colin.

Barney about to tap on Colin's car window

1281 - BLADE

CLAudius trippEd over the hem of his toga and took a tumble. Not only was his pride hurt, but somehow he'd finished up with a vicious looking thorn in his ankle. He commanded his slave, Gaius, to carry him to his physician who lived a dozen stadia away. "I'm in agony here, so no false moves otherwise I'll have you flogged", threatened Claudius. The most direct route included a shady glade where Gaius had to be careful so that his master didn't knock into any of the vegetation. Eventually they got there and the physician examined Claudius. "I'm afraid this is going to hurt a lot more whilst I get this thorn out, but it's for the best", he declared. He gave Claudius something to bite on and then got out a sharp blade and started digging into the foot. Meanwhile, Gaius had procured the use of a chariot owned by one of Claudius's friends and so the limping, bandaged Claudius had a more comfortable journey home than the one getting to the physician.

Claudius talking to a friend before his accident

1280 - FLASH

The patroL set off Again heading along a new route. The route got more and more difficult - they had to use their bayonets to slash through the jungle. They passed some of the enemy that had been slain. However, it was their task to engage the enemy in a fresh clash, not attend to bodies. Then there was a flash off to the side and they all hit the ground as a shell passed nearby, exploding with a loud bang. Time for action.

The patrol heading through the jungle

1279 - STRAY

BreAkfasT at Ronnie's starts with toast
Cut out in the shape of the coast
On which sits a spud that's been roast
Ronnie makes much of his boast
That nowhere else has the most
Unique breakfast with a ghost
But keep careful eye on your food
Else the stray dog has it for good

Beware the stray dog ready to pounce on your breakfast

1278 - HEFTY

If in days of yore you enTEred the dentist's room you'd expect some unpleasant noise or other whilst he worked on your teeth. If a tooth had to come out you would be in agony when he gave a hefty tug to remove it. These days it isn't so bad.

Vintage dental equipment

1277 - SCOWL

When the wedding was over, the saiLor went back to his boat (See 1276 - TOAST). Despite the jollities of the wedding he looked downcast and grumpy. The trouble was that, what should have been neat coils of rope were a jumbled mess. With a scowl that could kill at 100 paces, he went off in search of the apprentice who'd been left in charge of tidying the ropes.

Not what the sailor wanted to see!

1276 - TOAST

The weATher-beaten sailor alighted from his boat and headed for the pub. People in the street were giving him a wide berth because he stank of fish. The bouncer at the pub, holding his nose, cried out "Avast, me hearty, you can't come in here at present. There's a wedding reception taking place." "But it's my daughter getting married", answered the sailor, "I'm entitled to boast about her in there." "Ah, sorry mate, I had been warned about you arriving. Here, there's a shower room and a smart outfit for you to change into right here. You should be able to join the reception in time for the toast", responded the bouncer.

A poster at the fisherman's home!