Poor ALbErt - he was driving his car along Whitehall when he briefly went to sleep at the wheel and drove across the road crashing into the gates to Downing Street. Taser-armed police were on him in an instant and he was forced out of his car and made to kneel on the ground with his hands behind his neck. But he couldn't stay awake and just laid down on the ground and went fast asleep. The police were baffled but relieved that this was no terrorist incident.
Eric loved humOUS. One day he had to stay in his house waiting for a delivery and was forced to feed himself. "Oh, I know, I'll make some humous", he said. He found a basic recipe from an internet search and dug out the food processor. Chick peas, garlic, cumin, sun-dried tomatoes and some tiny red peppers, with which he was unfamiliar, all went in with some oil and water. He sat down to his lunch feeling quite pleased with himself until he ate some of the humous. The 'little red peppers' were, of course, chilies. Oh how Eric wanted to douse the fire inside his mouth! "I'm feeling so miserable", he said as he opened a bottle of vodka, "I'm going to souse myself." He staggered to what he thought was his bedroom but which was in fact his sauna. After sitting in the humid surroundings for a while he sobered up enough to realise where he actually was and make his way to bed. But he couldn't get off to sleep because of the gnawing sound made by a mouse that had taken up residence in his house.
Peter was whISking along the country lanes enjoying the ride when all of a sudden he applied the brakes hard to avoid running over the spiny hedgehog. "It's just as well I did not skimp on cleaning my glasses before setting off", thought Peter.
A wEek lateR Jessica (see 705 - BAGEL and 706 - SWINE) decided again to go out for a late breakfast. As she was on her way to her usual café she spotted a hungry looking raven and decided against sitting outside in the sunshine in case it behaved like the seagull. She changed plans and went to a Japanese restaurant instead and had some sushi, yakitori and ramen 🍜.
Jessica was EatIng her Scrambled eggs and sipping her latte (See 706 - BAGEL). She had her eyes closed enjoying the shine of the sun. But then a seagull swooped down and grabbed a load of her bagel, leaving a poop on the table. "You swine", shouted Jessica to the seagull. She moved inside out of the sun and ordered some more eggs and bagel!
Jessica aLtered her morning plAns bEcause of the lovely weather. She skipped breakfast and headed for her favourite café. She ordered a hazel flavoured latte and some scrambled egg served on a toasted bagel.
Jake was commanded to stand in THe dock and heaR the verdict. "You are guilty of car theft on a grand scale and must be imprisoned", boomed the judge. "Take him away and inter him for six months", he said to the court security. Turning to Jake again his parting comment was that he would no longer be a voter during his incarceration, though why this was important was lost on everyone in the court! When Jake arrived in the outer part of the jail he felt that this wasn't so bad after all. But then he was taken to his cell and to his utter amazement he had to share the cramped room with two other inmates who looked rather intimidating. "No more car theft for me", he thought - I must finish my education and get a regular job.
Angie had been a good pupil during her school years having LEaRned loads. Now it was time to find a job so she decided to enrol at several of her city's employment agencies. A few days later she was called to attend an interview. The building she went to was an old relic with tall ceilings in dark rooms that had huge stone fireplaces with bell-pulls and in which the walls showed signs of damp. She hoped that she wouldn't finish up working there. The interview went well and she was offered a job as a clerk in the city planning office. Much to her relief she learnt that the job would not be based in the building she was interviewed in.
Hangdog and the LIOn, his new friend, were laying out the tea things. There was a pot of Earl Grey tea, a fine jug of milk and some fairy cakes nicely displayed on a doily on the Wedgwood plate. After they had enjoyed their tea, with much lively conversation, they both yawned at the same time and realised it was time for bed. They packed away the tea things and retreated to their snug *igloo for the night.
Tommy's Mum pulled out the bAth plug afteR Tommy had spent a happy half hour playing with his toys in the water. His sailing craft finished up in the drain which upset Tommy. "It's just as well your brain didn't finish up in the drain", said his Mum, who had a fair bit of learning to do about what to say to toddlers! A minute later Tommy was laughing instead of crying. "Bravo", said his Mum and readied them to go down to the library for the parents and toddlers session. As they came in, Kat said to Daisy "If Tommy's Mum brags about Tommy's exploits one more time, I'll probably give her a clout with my brass knuckles!" Kat had a reputation for being brash.
BiLl (See 697-plank) hAd been busy in the chemistry labs at college decanting different quantities of chemicals, each stored in a phial, to study the effects of mixing them. Whilst it was fun, it was also stressful getting his thinking around just what was going on for each reaction. So after college he once again headed for the riverbank and the shoal of fish. He started drinking from his glass bottle and was miles away in thought. But then he caught sight of a slash in his hoody so he had to go home and get it repaired. When he got home he filled his vacuum flask with tea and set to repairing his hoody and other garments that needed mending.
TERry Romeo Francisco liked to look the part and would preen himself frequently. This behaviour resulted in him getting fired from many a job. His current job required that he roped the cattle in the holding pen, but he was so bothered by the dust that he hardly ever succeeded - once again, no job. Terry was also accused of stealing from the village post office, but there was not a shred of evidence against him so the case was dropped. He decided to buy a drone but was frustrated by the thing. He had yet another go at reading the instructions for it but it only led to more frustration. He cries "this is all greek to me". He went out for some food, but when crossing the creek on the narrow plank bridge he lost his footing and got soaked. Terry, looking very bedraggled, made it to the local take-out and got some chicken and fries and hurried back home the long way round avoiding the narrow bridge. He had a brief encounter with an ex-work colleague who was highly amused at the contrast in Terry's appearance from when he was a colleague and now. Terry made it back home without coming to any further grief and started sorting himself out. The next day he decided to wear scruffy jeans and t-shirt from then on and life became more settled.
TheRe were stOrieS going round the village of a ghost sheep. Lance dismissed these with scorn. But one day as he was walking through the streets, he could have sworn he'd seen a sheep. He had to investigate and set off in pursuit. He managed to corner the sheep in a dead-end and discovered it was no ghost but very much real and struggling under its heavy wool coat. Lance called the local farmer who came and collected his lost sheep and straight away took it to be shorn by the shearers.
BilL spent mAny a late afternoon sitting by the river bank watching the shoal of fish floating in the water, perfectly suited to their environment. He did get some flack for this solitary behaviour from his college mates who were frequently socialising. To him it was plain obvious that quietness and contemplation were the best thing to do to let the day's teaching and activities sink in. One day when Bill was sitting in his usual spot, he heard a scream upstream. He spotted a baby floating in the water and being carried away by the current. Quickly, he grabbed a piece of wood from the nearby building site and jumped into the river with it. He was just able to manoeuvre the plank to intercept the floating baby and direct it towards the bank. The builders who'd originally been angry by the 'theft' of the wood, rushed to the bank and assisted getting the infant out of the water and safely restored to its parents. It seemed none the worse for its adventure other than being soaked through. Bill was suitably rewarded with a bravery award and a few friends started joining him by the river bank in the late afternoons.
A burgLer hAd been in during ThE night and the downstairs was a mess. Not much was missing, but it was quite distressing for Kylie and Ken. After phoning the police together, Kylie went round to her Mum's for some comfort whilst Ken went out into his man-shed to do some wood turning on his lathe; for him it was theraputic. Later on they met up for a drink in the local café. They both had a soothing latte, expertly prepared. The distress of the morning discovery was slowly subsiding.
ChArlEs was once again practicing his archery (see 693 - ACRID). He was doing better now and most of the arrows hit the 🎯. But one completely missed and happened to strike the rest of the cache of ancient jewellery. He and Felicity took this to the local museum along with the previously found medallion, as a result of which they obtained a sizeable reward. They gave a quarter of this to a worthy cause and were able to buy their first car with some of the remainder. So no longer did they have to cadge a lift everywhere. They were also able to build a larger, more secure cavie for their chickens. Charles was now doing much better in life and was more content. He and Felicity loved walking hand in hand beside the Exeter shipping canal watching their neighbour using his canoe.
On the next endAEvour for Charles see 693 - ACRID he was turning his charm on Felicity. They went for a walk; "Surely this can't go wrong!", thought Charles. As they walked on the top of a cliff overlooking beautiful scenery, a wind gust whisked off Felicity's neck protector. It finished up caught in a tree part way down the scarp. Charles immediately set off to retrieve it, even though the route to get it was very scary. By hanging on to vegetation and rocks, Charles reached the tree and clambered up to retrieve the scarf. The trip back was even scarier, but when he made it, Felicity threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. "You're so brave - I love you", said Felicity. Their courtship was off to a good start!
ChARles was getting desperate to find a lady to fall in love with. He knew how to turn on the charm but it usually went pear-shaped after the initial encounter. Today was no exception. To impress his latest want-to-have he was showing off his archery (about which he knew nothing). Although the first arrow missed the target, it did hit something interesting. It unearthed an auric medallion. "I'll find out later if this really is gold", exclaimed Charles. The next arrow narrowly missed the poor gardener with the tail feathers clipping his auris extremity (ear). When he and his lady went to find the third arrow they found it had hit a plant that then released an acrid smell. At that his new want-to-have stormed off and Charles was alone again, back to square one.
"(Hoh! Ah!) I hear something saying (Hoh! Ah!)
(Hoh! Ah!)(Well don't you know)
That's the sound of the men,
Working on the chain, ga-ang
That's the sound of the men,
Working on the chain, gang"
"Well, that's the first part of that song sussed - time for a snack"!
RhOmboid House had a roomy drawing room in which were many valuable items. Very early one morning Keith saw the unmistakable silhouette of a beret-headed man on tip-toes with a bulky sack slung over his shoulder. "That's got to be a crook up to no good", thought Keith. Keith was a groom (which was why he was also up at this hour). He picked up a tool from the stable yard and headed off to intercept the crook. As the villain tip-toed through a narrow archway, Keith was ready and a hefty wallop with the broom laid out the unwanted guest cold. Keith had a special commendation from the Lord of the Manor and was given the keys to his very first car!
ThE quest to find more visitors to the guest house occupied much of Carl's time on those dark winter evenings. But one day he received two separate requests for a booking for two people for eight consecutive weeks which cheered Carl and Clarissa up no end. Their reputation and work ethic was paying off.
FeLicity contentedly lived on her own Among her accumulated possessions. But she was not entirely alone - her flock of quail were good companions. Part of her garden was a sturdy wire netting enclosure with a quail-sized opening to her conservatory. Felicity had been a ballroom dancer in her younger days; her favourite was the polka. She would often play polka music which the quail seemed to enjoy especially when you could see them 'dancing' to the music. Felicity's other pastime was crafting. Her speciality was making items with several layers of onlay to give relief to the artwork. The local TV station came to interview her in her home including the polka-dancing quail. When the evening the programme was scheduled, her brother came round and they watched it together. Felicity was aglow with pride as they watched the broadcast.
There was a LOUd cracking noise above Len's head as he squeezed his way through the narrow opening of the ancient tomb. "Why did I ever get persuaded to take this up?", Les muttered. "I must have let the hope of riches cloud my thinking." Les decided to abandon the pastime of the ghoul (ie grave robber) as it was just too dangerous. As he emerged into the night air, there was a tremendous crashing sound from the tomb as the roof collapsed. Les beat a hasty retreat with a resolve to find a new pastime.
As soon as thE morning aRrived, Jo would run into his parent's room and start asking questions. "Why is the earth round? Why is the sky blue? Why do insects buzz? Why am I not allowed to eat grass?", is what Mum and Dad's day started with. Mum yarned - "You're such an asker", she said. Jo rarely got answers because there were so many questions! One morning however Jo said he'd seen a snake in the garden. "Can I pick it up?", he asked. At this his Dad was quick to respond. "No, you mustn't because it might be an adder", he said. Dad got his tablet and showed Jo pictures of the adder. "You must never get close to these", he concluded. Then Jo's Dad's phone rang and Jo's Dad exploded with anger. "It's another of those scam faulty equipment calls - that's 20 this week."
ALfrEd was a diminutive figure and his large ears gave his an elfin appearance. He was a fearless soap-box preacher and was quick to respond to hecklers in his audience. Alfred was saying, "Turn around from your wayward lives and come to Jesus to have the penalty for your wrongdoing wiped out. Don't finish your life rejecting Jesus and finish up in sheol." "Did you say finish up in a shell?", scoffed an onlooker. "I said sheol, also known as hell", responded Alfred. "Oh, this is all nonsense", responded another onlooker, "We start off life in a mother's bulge and finish up in the ground and that's it." Alfred responded: "You are only thinking of the material realm. There is a spiritual realm where, just as the sky is above us, so we think of God's dwelling, heaven, is above us and, just as the ground is underneath us, we think of sheol as below heaven. But these are just ways of grasping something beyond our reasoning."
"Don't PUsh me - I'm a rather jumpy bloke and could respond in a way you might regret", said Samuel. The yuppy with whom Samuel was arguing backed off and went elsewhere for his nephew's birthday present. In the pet shop he was attracted to the fish. He came away with a tank, pump, filter, fish food and a breeding pair of guppy fish in a small container. He reckoned he would be the star of the birthday party with his large present. His nephew's parents were not so sure as they had to decide on where to place the large tank!
Sophie had a vERy menial job cleaning dishes in the large café/restaurant. It wasn't much better when she got home when she had the chore of doing the washing and generally keeping the household running smoothly. Finally, at the end of the day, she was able to sit down and read her latest library book. This one was all about the history of the horse. She was fascinated to discover that the people who tamed the horse and developed much of what is used today when riding horses (eg bridle, bit and stirrup) were the various horde groups of the steppes of Eurasia as long ago as 3500 BC.
It should have been a great day for Alex, having the opportunity to drive a London Transport Routemaster bUS. But when the day arrived the snow had fallen during the preceding night and the roads were covered in slush. Alex was informed that he could only drive it off the public roads which meant he hardly drove it at all. The disappointment weighed heavily on Alex and he was sulky for the rest of the day.
AngEla always staRted her day with barre exercises which would raise her to a good level of awareness and steadiness. This was a good preparation, particular when she was operating on infant's mouths to either lengthen the lingual frenulum or join together a palatine raphe. She enjoyed the full range of her work and was always delighted together with relieved parents after the infant recovered and was no longer going to be hampered in life.
Roger yarned as he cLimbed into bed After a busy day. He twisted the top off his single-use phial containing his glaucoma eyedrops and squeezed a 💧 in each eye. Within a couple of minutes he was asleep. As the morning approached he was having a lovely dream where he was sipping his espresso in the sunshine and talking to the beautiful lady he'd met in the Italian plaza. Then the alarm went off, Roger pulled back the curtains to see the rain and sleet streaking down from leaden skies. He shivered and wished he could return to his dream!
