Akira (see 872 - NINJA, 873 - GLAZE and 874 - LEASH), who had once been mistaken for being pious, was not enjoying his time in jail. He longed for his simple pleasures, such as sushi, but the jail food never included that. Escape options had vapourised and there was no demand for smuggling in sushi!
ShE surveyed the scene, looking for inspiration for her next painting. "There's little scope here - I'll try somewhere else", she remarked and drove further round the headland.
AT horse racing events, you will find several touts giving their opinion on which horse is most likely to win a race. Those that take them at their word go through a whole gamut of emotions from sheer delight to utter despair once the race finishes. Wise race goers put little faith in touts. Most of those attending the races dress up in splendid clothes, but a few people look quite tacky. A man from New York wanted to chat up a young lady who was wearing an eye-catching tabby outfit. He sidled up to her and said: "Would you like a taffy". At first the lady was puzzled by his remark but then she saw the fruit chew offered by the man. "Why, yes please", she said. In the midst of their conversation she broke off and said "I'm fascinated by your suit. What colour is it?" "It's a tawny color", he replied. They continued their conversation for a while and then parted.
Lutetia was a spirited lively girl. A few of her friends called her a filly - she was rather proud of that title! She was a honey pot around which the local lads liked to congregate. One day she encountered Philip who was different to the usual blokes she hung out with; he had a serious side to him and an interest in a range of subjects. He had had mild polio as a child which left him a little weak physically. As they got to know each other they formed a relationship. Lutetia's friends were surprised and couldn't understand how she'd fallen in love with Philip. But their relationship turned out to be a solid one which lasted into old age.
A gagglE or geese made its way steadily across the field. But then they found their feet getting stuck in an area of sticky gunge. Fortunately the farmer spotted the problem quite soon and came to their rescue. He was able to release their feet and then to guide them away from the danger area. He then had to clear up the gunge - he wasn't too happy about having to do that!
It was afTeR dark and the place seemed eerie. Suddenly there was a snort from Martin's left. He hurriedly got out his torch as he felt his heart throb inside his chest. The torch revealed a horse minding its own business. He relaxed and carried on with his plan to throw out his unwanted mattress in the layby.
Amongst thE herd of bison, one curious young individual had been observing a painter at work and wanted to have a go herself. She put on a decorator's smock and tried to hold the paint roller, only to discover her hoof was not well adapted to doing that. The other bison laughed at the youngster and nicknamed her Smocky. It was only a wheen herd and the owner had been observing the unfolding story. She went down to the herd and remonstrated with those who were teasing the individual. "I am your queen and I won't stand for that sort of behaviour", she said. She had a servant make a hoof adapter that would allow the youngster to hold the roller. After a while she became quite a good painter, even decorating one of the barn walls with a primitive artwork. The rest of the herd now respected her.
ALbErt wondered why he had such poor take-up when he plied his cathode ray tube televisions in the indoor markets. Then one day he heard a visitor laughing at his CRT televisions and boasting that his iPhone 12 Pro Max pixel count was 3,566,952. His companion was enthusing that his new 8K TV had 33,177,600 pixels. Both the mobile phone and the TV had lots more pixels than any CRT TV Albert had come across (3,145,728). "Perhaps there's no demand for CRT TVs now", he pondered.
On TuesdAy, Kylie called out to her Mum: "I need to do some music practice for my tuition session after school. Please can you poach an egg for me whilst I start my practice?" With a sigh, her Mum said ok and Kylie started practicing her scales on the piano before playing her latest piece of music a few times.
A twill fabric cloth, originally made in China, was used to make English and French military uniforms starting in the late 19th century. For Spanish speakers they were known as pantalones chinos (Chinese pants), which became shortened to simply "chinos" in English. Hence the cloth used to make these trousers is chino cloth. Washing a pair of chinos with a paper bag containing candy in the pocket is not a good idea!
ThE geese formed an orderly queue at the grass take-out. "I'd like my grass fried please", said the first goose. "And I'd like mine scrambled please", said the second. It was poached for the third, roasted for the fourth, air-fried for the fifth and so on. They were all polite!
Tamsin hurt her tooth when she bit into a thick piece of mango. "What was that doing in the mango she exclaimed! I think in future I'll have water melon."
AT the monasteRy Liam would often be seen in the cloisters garth along with the other brothers on their way from one activity to another. The year before it would have been a very different story as Liam used his tarot cards to earn a living out of people's weaknesses. But then he went into a quiet country church looking for fortune-telling inspiration but instead found himself rooted to the spot. He can't remember how long his tarry there was as he had a deep spiritual encounter with God. The next day he went to the monastery begging to become a novice and build on his encounter. He started very soon and was a very attentive monk. So keen was he that, on several occasions, the abbot had to comment on how tardy he had been finishing up on the prayer session and moving on to his allotted practical session for the day.
The woRkman was introduced to the mouldy damp bathroom. "How much would it cost to smarten this up?", asked the owner. "It depends on how much you want to pay", replied the workman, "A proper job would cost £2,000 or more." "I can't afford that - it's only so I can sell the house!", said the devious owner. "Well, for a quick rubbish job I could clean all the tiles, apply fresh grout, leave some air-freshener and trust that no one notices. That could be done for about £100", offered the workman.
"ShuT your mouth and think before you get into another fight", said Carry to Frank. But Frank took no notice and was soon in the midst of an intense brawl. At the end of it all, Frank didn't bounce back, dismissing his wounds as nothing, like he usually did. He sat there dazed and in pain. When the paramedic checked him over, he concluded that Frank had been concussed and had suffered a significant trauma to one of his eyes. He was admitted to hospital where they determined that he had almost lost his sight in the affected eye and that he needed to stay in a dark room with his eye bandaged for a couple of weeks. Carry visited regularly and was able to teach Frank some anger management techniques - he was very receptive to this after that brawl!
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Amelia is a fussy eater. The spiny skin of fresh lychees put her off from enjoying them. She once came across a durian fruit with its spiky skin, but the odour of it she felt was repulsive. Her flat-mate Emily brought home a superb savoy for them to share, but Amelia turned up her nose at it. She liked celery except when it had been in the fridge too long and had become saggy. "Oh you're such a picky eater, Amelia", said Emily one day. "You should start watching a food program or two to get some ideas to try and break through this pickiness." One day she heard on one of the food programs a quote from Jeff Koehler: "Olives and preserved lemons add sassy tartness to salads, chicken tagines, and fish dishes." Her mouth watered and she sought out a Moroccan restaurant and tucked in to some delicious food, not asking too closely what was in it until after she'd enjoyed it! There was no stopping her after that and even Emily was shocked at what Amelia enjoyed!
MERyl loved her cuddly toy rhino, called Rhoda. She would often be found talking to Rhoda and attempting to get her to preen herself. (Her understanding of a real rhino, not to mention the role of a cuddly toy, were clearly lacking.) She loved her cute green Rhoda right through her childhood and youth, even giving it a place on the shelf of her student accommodation.
HAmish looked out of ThE window to see that the roads and pavements were unchanged. He reached for a skate for each foot and put on his heavy winter gear. He knew what to do about this spate or icy weather as he went about the business of heading to the local shop to restock their supplies of wheat and other essentials. When carrying them home he was very glad of his stave for support on the most icy uphill parts of the journey. He even felt bold enough to take a shortcut across the peaty ground that he would normally avoid altogether. Once home he unloaded the shopping and went to take off his skates. When he got back to the table, to his dismay, the meaty pasty had vanished and he saw his wife just finishing up eating it. "That was meant for me", he said in anguish, but she just smiled sweetly and he had to make do with some stale bread and marmite instead.
As The woRk-day drew to a close, Oscar turned his mind to his other main interest in life - learning how to be an actor. This year he had made it to playing a minor rôle in the Christmas Pantomime.
After the fire, Akira needed to Lie low for A whilE. (See 872 - NINJA and 873 - GLAZE.) He found a deserted building in rural Wales, inside of which he found an old leach which proved to be great for cosy shelter. Although Angus had been ordered to make tracking down Akira among the least of his priorities, he still sent round Akira's description to other forces. Akira, now calling himself Jimmy, had tried to blend in with the locals and hide among the ordinary. Several locals would stop for chats with Jimmy, which he quite enjoyed. He was starting to let down his guard. The local policeman, not having a lot to do, had taken note of Angus' communique. One day he spotted Akira at ease chatting outside the Co-op. He got in touch with Angus who ignored his superior's protestations and took a crack team of officers with him to rural Wales. They stealthily found where Akira was staying, surrounded the place and on the signal released the attack dog from its leash. Within a minute Akira was handcuffed and before long was on his way back to a very secure cell awaiting trial. Angus slept much better that night.
It was quite LAmEntable what happened to Sir Francis. He came in from riding and downed a pint of cider to slake his thirst. He picked up his pipe and applied the flame to it, only to discover it was out of tobacco! "I need some more flake Jake", he shouted out to his estate manager, who Sir F considered his slave. Jake, whose real name was Akira, stopped his work in the workshop, putting down the plane with which he had been fashioning a new handle for the blade of his ninja sword and attended to Sir Francis's demand. After his smoke, Sir F went for a walk in the glade. Whilst he was out Akira added petrol to the fire making it blaze out of control. Before long the lounge was being consumed by fire and, with the rest of the petrol suitably applied to other rooms, it didn't take long before the whole place followed. Akira was nowhere to be seen after the conflagration; all that could be seen was one of his 'you-missed-me' cards in the workshop! It wasn't long before Angus of the Met was on the scene. Fortunately there was no body-bag for Angus to unzip, but he did have to cope with Sir F, who had moved from the stare-of-glaze-in-disbelief phase to the fury-of-anger phase. After that, Angus had to come to terms with the fact that Ninja Akira was at work again. He had no idea what to do about apprehending him.
It would seem thAt Akira was very pious, as every morning he would be seen heading into a Shintō temple. But what you wouldn't have seen (even if you had followed him) was that he went through a secretive doorway hidden behind a divan. Behind the door was the ninjutsu training school. Once Akira had qualified and had been working for a couple of years, he came under suspicion and Angus of the Met was sent to follow Akira. This was not easy, as often Akira would turn a street corner, but when Angus followed, Akira was nowhere to be seen. On one occasion this actually became very scary because when Angus stopped after losing Akira, he was barged into from behind by the very man he'd been following - only a few seconds had past! It was gradually dawning on Angus that Akira was a dangerous trained ninja who would be almost impossible to trap without more backup and resources.
When considering this Yarn, I was reminded of "The BrickLayer's STory" which was introduced by Gerard Hoffnung in 1958. It all involves trying to use a hoist without imposing a limit to the initial starting position. Especially if you haven't come across it before, here is the text and audio of the speech:
The Bricklayer's StoryWAlTER sat in the waiting room. The blank stare in his face and the mopping of his sometimes teary eyes told you something serious was amiss. After what seemed like a week, there was this tread on the creaky floorboards outside the room and the door opened. With dread he heard his name called for his appointment with the Minister for Trade. But as it turned out, the Minister merely wanted to congratulate him for his excellent contribution to the smooth flow of trade.
There was an oLd mAn of NEwRy
Who bought fireworks to calm his fury
He had a great flair
To make a big flare
That singed-haired old man of Newry
It wAs a sultry Friday afternoon. The still air made the city streets more noisy than usual. There seemed to be a a lot of people rushing around in a manic fashion as they tried to finish up for the weekend ahead. Zeta mused to herself - "Why do so many people have this intense desire to head home early? They'll only have a crammed journey with queues everywhere. I'd much rather stay on longer and go home when the mania has subsided." (This was before she fell in love, married and had a mortgage!)
Constantine cAme in fRom his run and went to his den to service his sonar equipment (See 615 - ARBOR). But it was far too noisy outside. He went to have a look and found his amour sitting under the arbor in his garden once more, though this time listening to the heavy-duty Bluetooth speaker and practicing her tambourine skills in accompaniment (all in order to get attention). So Constantine broke off from his servicing and sat next to her, the two of them now at ease once more, expressing their ardor to each other as the warm sun was setting.
WaLTer had always been a noisy eater (and his friends often told him so) until he saw a YouTube video on how to eat in a refined fashion.
PEtra was on a peeve; the brightness in her eyes no longer shone. When asked, she couldn't give an explanation, which was all the more frustrating. To cheer her up, her boyfriend took her out in the afternoon and treated her to a scone or two with jam (first), then Cornish double cream (on top)! That was all Petra needed and she reverted to her usual bubbly self. Later that evening they went to the night club disco and thoroughly enjoyed themselves amidst the bright lights and noise.
Life wAs Easy for the two of them. But one day he had a wheal come up which drove him crazy with its itching. He tried a number of creams from the pharmacy, but these only gave relief for a few minutes. So he poked around on the Internet to see if there was anything else. He found somebody recommending the use of a piece of shale bound to the wheal. So he told his wife that he just had to finish applying the glaze to his latest ceramic creation and then he would be off to find some shale. She started to plead with him not to be taken in by old wives tales, but he was adamant. He had to drive quite a way to a bleak landscape to find a small piece of shale. As soon as he bound it to the wheal, the itching subsided and he drove home a lot more comfortable (and a little smug, it has to be said).
