740 - DINER

ERic the biker picked up Billy, a hitch hiker. They were enjoying the ride until Eric spotted a viper on the road. Swerving to avoid it resulted in the bike falling over with a noisy sound. They were mostly all right except for the inner part of one of Billy's legs which had suffered some grazing. They got back on the bike and came to the next town which was clearly a mining town. Most of the people were dressed in casual clothes but there was one man who caught Eric's attention. "I doubt we'll see a finer miner here", he said. They pulled into the diner for a burger and fries and to treat Billy's leg. 

Common European viper

739 - TRACT

CApTain ClaRence came into the cabin to find the wind had blown all the papers on the floor. Desperately he hunted down the chart, but by the time order was restored the vessel had got too close to the small island. The depth soundings suddenly decreased to equal the draft of the vessel so that it ran aground. The crew were ordered into the emergency craft and got ashore without loss. Now the hard graft of re-floating the vessel started. They harvested some vegetation and wrapt it in bundles but not too tightly so that stalk, leaves, bract and petal trapped air so they could make buoyancy aids. They unloaded some of the cargo and sunk the buoyancy aids under the vessel and got it re-floated. After reloading they set off again away from the island. The first officer spoke to Captain Clarence pointing out his trait of being not at his post at key moments and gave him a tract about staying focused.

Small Tropical Island

738 - ABOUT

Yevgeny Prigozhin commAnded his Troops to march to Moscow. Vladimir Putin warned Yevgeny that if he persisted he would become toast. So Yevgeny's troops made an about turn and the standoff eased.

Yevgeny Prigozhin

737 - GUEST

He was deTErmined to always check his diary before making any new arrangements. He was sure next week was clear so, without checking his diary and in spite of himself, he went to the chest in the garage and took out his backpack, tent, mat, waterproofs etc for a quest along the top of the mountain ridges and back. He was almost ready when there was a ring at the door. The stranger introduced herself and the penny dropped - he should have checked his diary as then he would have seen that he had a guest staying for the week.

Cairn Gorm view over Coire an t-Sneachda

736 - RODEO

AftER Hank had risen he heard the siren sound to awaken everyone. Now he no longer had to creep around but could have some food and get on with the busy day. He was told that the prize bull had got stuck on an island and needed rescuing so that it wouldn't drown. Since the rumen of the bull was full he was docile and was led onto the raft which Hank rowed to the mainland. The roped bull was taken to the trailer and driven to the rodeo for display and sale.

Rumen of a sheep

735 - GRAND

The postmAsteR and his young son lived in a house that included the Post Office and which had access to a large open field behind. Often during his lunch break the postmaster went into the field where he shot one arrow after another, perfecting his skills. He would then go to the pub where he drank a pint of bitter and ate a pork pie. Back at the Post Office it was time to turn the crank on the machine that could frank the outgoing post. He attempted to update the usage graph but his son was playing a prank on him and the graph was hidden under a newspaper. They had a laugh and the son was sent off to buy some washing up liquid with strict instructions to get a well known brand. In the evening they both sat down at the grand piano and practiced their duets.

The Pitney Bowes Model M postage meter 1920.

734 - COVET

As ThE sun was setting, Ken took Mel for a walk into the nature reserve. He stopped and got down on one knee - "will you marry me", he said. He opened the jewel box and presented a ring 💍. "This is a token of my love 😍 for you", he said. "And it's even in the sky for you", he said pointing to the comet. (Ken was a good amateur astronomer and knew what to expect in the sky.) How could Mel refuse? She threw her arms around him. However they were not alone, as Phil, Ken's rival, was watching from behind the yew tree. It's just as well Phil had been to church that morning and had read to the congregation "Don't commit adultery", "Don't murder", "Don't steal", "Don't covet". So Phil departed, his face 😔 downcast. Some time after, when Phil had married, the two couples became great friends.

An engagement ring

733 - TASTE

As he ATE his food, he was determined not to waste any. He spread the "Gentlemen's Relish" anchovy paste on his cracker but found the flavour was too intense. Time was going on and he had to be back at work, so with haste he finished his food and washed the taste out of his mouth with another glass of water.

An open pot of Gentleman's Relish anchovy paste

732 - CRANE

As thE dReam progressed, Mack found his handhold was just out of reach and suddenly there was the sound of a break as the railings gave way sending him spinning downwards. He awoke with a start and tried to erase the nightmare from his memory. "I hope I don't get a dream like that again or my mind might go into a craze with grave consequences", thought Mack. He put on his jacket and went out for a walk where he watched a herd of cows as they started to graze. He passed a vineyard and helped himself to a refreshing grape. The sun was shining and Mack had to remove his jacket and drape it over his shoulder. Mack had had a long walk by now and he thought to himself "I could do with a crape and honey." By now the weather had turned quite nippy so Mack hurried to the shop for his crape. As he passed the lake he spotted a stork and a crane just as they took off for a long flight back to their normal habitats. (see 731 - STORK.)

Sandhill cranes

731 - FROST

TheRe had been a stOrm that blew lotS of  birds off course. The startled stork had finished up in a field. It was trying to decide what to do next when there was a snort from behind as a pig came up to investigate. The startled bird took off and landed nearby on the strange white-tinged ground. What had seemed to be a lake was solid and was covered in frost. The poor stork was very much not at home in this setting.

White stork (Ciconia ciconia)

730 - KAZOO

GAry had his meal Of chops and rice. He then asked one his Father's employees to drive him in the wagon to the swimming lake. Gary was rather naïve and hadn't realised that the man he'd asked was a baboo who was there to handle the accounts, not help with wagon driving! As he was being driven along, he lounged back and played a rather tuneless song on his kazoo.

A metal kazoo

729 - SHYLY

LeSlie, the baroness, was tall, slender and sylph-like. Despite her status she didn't like to be in the limelight. So when she was prevailed upon to open the village fête, she shyly came to the microphone and spent as little time as possible behind it to open the proceedings before slipping away to get on with her mathematical research.

Ada Lovelace, c. 1838

728 - RANCH

HAiRy Harry was soon to marry slender Harriet. On Harry's stag do they had a go at fencing, including learning how to parry a thrust from one's opponent. Following that there was the boozing session after which Harry's friends had to carry him to the taxi. After the wedding Harry and Harriet settled in to their home on the ranch.

View of the Grant-Kohrs Ranch near Deer Lodge, Montana

727 - STRAP

A significanT celebRation was approaching and Hilda was out trying to track down a suitable sized piece of meat to roast. "How much is that there?", she asked the butcher. On hearing his reply she was aghast and exclaimed "I'd need a grant to buy that". After some haggling and agreeing on a price, Hilda said "Can you set it apart for me - I only have a few pounds and pruta here". "OK, but only until 3pm",said the butcher. Hilda returned later in suitable clothing. "Can you help strap this to my back for the walk home?", she asked. The butcher complied. Come the day the roast was a huge success and Hilda could glow with pride for all her efforts.

Side of Beef

726 - MAYBE

MAry and ChristophEr had their friends Marlene and Bob round for lunch. They had smoked salmon and a salad of mâche, cucumber, tomatoes and celery with seeds and nuts. Unfortunately Bob didn't like the salad all that much so the remains were put into the cavie which housed the hens and guinea pigs who pounced on the extra snack. After lunch the two men had games of billiards whilst the women planned the town exhibition. Christopher did a spectacular masse shot that helped him win that game. Mary and Christopher had taken on a lost dog which was in quite a state, having mange. It was getting better with proper treatment and care. They all went for a walk, starting with a field of tall maize, with the dog on a mauve lead. They were surprised to encounter a mahoe tree in someone's garden. At the end of a part of the path the way was blocked and they had to pick one of two ways. They chose one which soon seemed to be taking them further out of their way. "Maybe we should have picked the other way", said Marlene. They retraced their steps, took the other way and arrived back home easily. "Time for a cup of tea and cake", said Mary.

Blue mahoes are common urban trees in Jamaica

725 - CRIME

ThE Route the old tractor was taking included a ferry crossing. The ferry operator looked like a rogue, but in fact he was skilful and took pride in his work. His vessel displayed a photo of the prize he'd won as best ferryman in the county. When it came time to disembark, the tractor refused to start and there was a short delay whilst they had to prime the engine. The tractor driver offered more money for the delay, but the ferryman said that the price was fixed. The tractor eventually arrived at its destination - the home of the bride who had fancied an unusual arrival vehicle. She hoped that she wouldn't get cramp getting down from the tractor, but that didn't happen. Her intended was all ready for her. He was a reformed bloke who'd given up his life of crime and settled down as a social worker.

Bride on Tractor

724 - PLUNK

Liam Paced Up and down. Someone had put a concrete block into his swimming pool at the deep end. He didn't have the right tools to get it out and so he decided to plumb the depths and pluck the block off the bottom, swim to the surface and, with great effort, plunk it on the side of the pool. He was knackered but pleased with himself. His wife thought he was an idiot to do risk his life like that!

Backyard swimming pool

723 - WRONG

He ROwed out to the shipwreck. He set his diver's watch to make sure he wouldn't drown. He was delighted to see a crown-of-thorns starfish and some brown trout. He was pleased and, if you listened carefully, you could here him croon to himself as he rowed back.  On his way home he had to call in at the hardware store and buy a new broom. As he got back in the car he spotted that the fuel level gauge was reading low so, with a frown, he headed off to the fuel station. He was part way through refuelling when he spotted he'd picked the wrong fuel so the trip there was going to cost him more than he expected.

Crown-of-thorns starfish

722 - GUARD

HARry and Gilbert drank their beers and had a frank discussion about the state of the town. Gilbert started to crank up the tone of the discussion and others in the bar were starting to look on. A hoary old man came up to them and, with wise words, managed to lower the heat of the discussion. Harry and Gilbert were somewhat squeamish so when the conversation at the next table started including words like ovary and gall bladder, they didn't want to hear any more and they moved outside whilst discussing what prank they could play on their workmates. As they left they had to dodge past the charm hanging on the door frame. "Oh, how strange, there's a bridge here made of board", said Harry, "the pub is unlikely to win any award with that there - it is so tatty looking." "I agree", said Gilbert, "and it's guard rail looks like it will collapse any moment. Somebody should do something about these issues."

Plank footbridge, Thailand

721 - AGAIN

On A chilly December morning it should have been noisy with the washing machine, dishwasher and radio all raising the volume. But the power cut had transformed the house into a place of quiet. There was nothing else to do but to chain together pieces of paper to make Christmas decorations. Four hours later the electricity came back on. Everyone was relieved and commented that they hoped that wouldn't happen again.

Pastel paper chain decoration kit

720 - BALSA

LArry was bored. He'd tried various pastimes but with each one he would dally with it for a while, then give up. His house was littered with jigsaws, unfinished books, tiny collections of natural things, cooking pans with burned food in etc. Today he decided to sally forth to the shops and buy a model aircraft kit. Eagerly he started reading the instructions and was amazed at how light the balsa wood was. He started with the wing spars and pre-stamped wing profiles. But after he'd gone for a cuppa he just couldn't bring himself to get back to the challenge and, yet again, he slumped in front of the TV.

Balsa model of Spitfire

719 - CRUMB

This was the fiRst time Ant had sUpervised the building of a timber-framed house. He could feel his stomach churn with the anxiety. They'd reached the stage where it was time to put the cruck in place at each end. But Ant needn't have worried - it all went smoothly. It was time to ease off the anxiety, have a cup of tea and a biscuit, and plan the next steps. He was engrossed in his tea and biscuit, making sure each crumb on the plate finished up in his mouth. Then it was back to work.

Cruck framing, Leigh Court Barn, Worcester, England

718 - HATER

Angie was TERrified of her school mate Gilly. Angie talked to her pater and mater about the bullying she was getting from Gilly. Part of the trouble was that Angie's Mum could cater really well and Angie was a good eater making her on the larger side of average. It's just as well that she drank only water otherwise it could have been worse! Angie's parents reminded her of her cousin Terry at school and reckoned he could be Angie's champ, sticking up for her. Once Gilly saw Terry by Angie's side she backed off and the hater became the terrified one!

Large plate of food

717 - SCOUT

TOm and GUy were two young brotherS. Tom was playing with his model trains. Guy came in the room engrossed in his reading and Tom had to shout to stop him knocking over the train on the track. "Get your snout out of that comic before you start charging about the place", chided Tom. "Can we have the steam engine instead of that boring diesel", asked Guy. "Ok", said Tom, "I'll just shunt this diesel train into the siding first." Whilst Tom was doing that Guy put his toy on the steam engine tender. When Tom started to move the steam train he had to stop it. "That toy makes the loco too stout to get through the bridge - it can't stay there." Once they'd had enough of playing trains, Tom said "Let's go down to the stream and scout out the wildlife there - we might see a kingfisher if we're lucky."

Male common kingfisher

716 - ENNUI

OncE upon a time there were two brothers. One was very full of himself and not afraid to say what he thought. He would opine about all sorts of subjects, even if he didn't know much about them. The other brother would often begin something new but before the day was out would lose interest as a feeling of ennui settled on him.

ENNUI by Walter Richard Sickert (1860 - 1942)

715 - BEAST

FATE was not on the side of the town. The first thing folk noticed was that the town pond, which always froze over in the winter and which allowed them to skate, stayed liquid. Then there was a spate of property damage, always with unusual footprints around the crime scene, leaving the previously attractive town in a poor state. No one could understand the steam that rose from the drains until the unlicensed underground microbrewery was discovered. It became a mark of joining the elite if you had a meal of steak and chips together with ale brewed by the secretive brewery! The brewers would frequently tweak the recipe they used to try to tease out the next best flavour to keep their customers interested - only the yeast they used didn't change. One evening a huge feast was put on to celebrate their growing success. At the height of the evening chaos arose when the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (from Douglas Adams book "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy") came out of the forest and gobbled up all the food and narrowly missed gobbling up a few town folk as well.

Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal

714 - NANNY

After Phil finished work he went home and carried on with teaching his 5-year old son the Greek alphabet. He was trying to get him to learn kappa even though he had barely learned gamma. "Daddy, this is too hard for me - I want to play with the old golf caddy in the back yard", he said. "Oh, all right, but don't be a baddy and knock things over with it", said Phil. Phil's wife, Sue, brought in some tea and snacks. But Phil was quite faddy and didn't like what he saw. "Madam, I'm not eating those", he exclaimed and hurried out of the flat to go to the convenience store for some candy. Poor Sue was upset and pulled out her hanky. She called on the next door neighbour and asked her if she could be nanny for a short while so that Sue could go to see her Mum and pour out her troubles.

Nanny with child

713 - HUMID

Chris Packham is a broadcaster and ecology InflUencer. One of his pieces was all about the amazing life of fungi. Apparently fungi grow best in humid conditions.

Fungi

712 - JAZZY

JuliAn was reading an old copy of The Dandy magazine and was having a nostalgic chuckle. But then he had a panic as a group of bawdy revellers came round the corner and he hoped they hadn't seen what he'd been reading. They passed Julian without incident, but he was spotted by The Colonel on his mobility scooter. Julian dreaded this encounter because the Colonel was so gassy and full of himself. Whilst being bombarded by the Colonel he noticed his saggy clothes and Julian hoped that he wouldn't let his standards slip when he reached that age. "These gammy legs of mine force me to use this scooter. I can't get into the places I used to go in", complained the Colonel. Half an hour later Julian was able to extract himself and head home. He drank a cup of tea and ate a jammy sandwich whilst he prepared bubble and squeak made with mashy potatoes and cabbage ready for frying at mealtime. After food he and his flat-mates got their instruments out and enjoyed making jazzy music that most people in the flats enjoyed.

Dandy Annual 2014

711 - AGILE

The torrential rain LAshEd down. Fiona was working on her pastime of making a scale model of No 10 Downing Street and today's weather meant she had ample time to make progress before tiredness could addle her thinking. She had an apple for lunch and noticed that the rain had eased. She put on her ankle boots and went for an amble around her village. She sighed as she pined for the days when her great grandparents lived in the village and so her route took her past where they lived. But it had all changed now and the Tesla and Range Rover parked outside shattered her nostalgia. Then the rain started again and she had to be quite agile to get home again before getting drenched.

Tesla and Land Rover