CAptain Kidd swaggered into the office. No one dared challenge his
right of entry as to do so would likely lead to mishap! He threw down a bag
with a ching sound. "It looketh like you
are all a swamp with other stuff", he
growled at the clerk, "but this", he said, pointing to the bag of bullion,
"takes precedence. I need you to assay it directly". The clerk
dropped everything with a scared expression and hurried into the back room
to ascertain the make-up of the bullion. Within a few minutes he returned
saying "It's all 18 carat gold". Captain Kidd picked it up and tossed the
scared clerk a silver coin before turning on his heels and charging out,
leaving the door wide open.
AEsop felt it was high time to
spend a few hours writing some more fables.
The first fable was about a ship that got blown off course when a sudden
gust of wind hit it abeam. The crew had to
work really hard to keep the boat afloat and when the wind eased the captain
checked all the cargo. To his delight all 24 items, labelled alpha to
omega were present and correct. "No", thought Aesop, "that's a
rubbish fable - there's no moral message in it." So he screwed it all up and
started again. (That is why this is the very first time you've read this
particular Aesop's fable!)
Felicity had got past the noisy stage of
the cooking and then went into the garden to pick some
sappy okra to add to it. At last the meal
was cooked and she could sally forth into
the dining room with her wonderful-smelling dish. "Where did the recipe for
this wonderful meal come from, Felicity", asked Pete. "I made it up myself",
responded Felicity with pride. "You're pretty savvy as a cook,
Felicity ", retorted Pete.
Felicity picked some okra for the dish she was preparing
AnThony was full of pride, boasting often about what he could
do as a handyman. He had an annoying habit of jingling the
coins in his pocket. Whilst he was keen to
vaunt his credentials, and it would appear that nothing would
daunt him, the day he accepted the offer to
repair his neighbour's fence came to haunt him as his
workmanship left much to be desired resulting in the fence having to be
replaced by a proper contractor.
Anthony's repair to his neighbour's fence was a disaster
GERaldine looked out at the herd of
bison grazing in the field that formed part
of her dower. All the other fields around were a hive of activity
with a dozer there, and an earth mover there preparing for the
start of work on some new houses. Geraldine had refused to sell her land for
housing, instead getting the bison herd in. The building site owner, who
was, sad to say, an avid doper, carried on, a hoper that
Geraldine could be prevailed upon, but as time went on it became clear that
his houses weren't going to be as valuable as he expected with a nearby herd
of bison on the doorstep. Geraldine's husband, Cody, was a computer
coder and, in his spare time, a radio ham. Many an evening the words
'Roger that' or 'Roger and out' would drift up from his den in the
basement. Eventually he would emerge and greet Geraldine with a kiss.
"Please can you be a gofer and fetch us a G&T and join me
on the settee", she cooed, flashing her eyelids at him. They watched a
romcom over their drinks then headed upstairs for the night.
AlfiE had grown up to be a miser. A shirt would be worn every
day for a year and be very tattered before he would throw it away. (He did
clean his shirt regularly, though in the nearby stream so as not to increase
his water bill!) But the day came when his microwave packed up with a bang.
He lived off cup-a-soups for a week before he could bring himself to go to
the appliance shop and spend some of the
money he'd saved up. The bright lights in the store had an effect on him and
he suddenly became awake to his miserly
stance. He not only chose a new microwave, but also a new kettle, toaster
and a multicooker. When he got home he was all-a-quake with
excitement but realised his kitchen was a mess. He phoned for a cleaner to
start on his kitchen straight away, then work through the rest of the house
for the rest of the week. He even asked his cleaner's advice on how to
smarten up his home, writing down quite a long list of improvements to
attend to. Miser Alfie had disappeared and splash-out Alfie had emerged.
The bright lights of the appliance store changed Alfie forever
After a dElighTful suppeR of roast lamb and
crispy potatoes and peas and plenty of gravy, Luke settled down on the sofa
with his family. “Pater, can you help me with my project on Meccano
in the garage?” He asked eagerly. “Alright then, Lad. I need to clean Amy’s
shoes first - the silly girl stepped in a puddle of mud!”, replied father
brushing his beard. “Mater, can you get me a glass of
water whilst I read out our daily bible verse? Come on
everyone, cuddle close, we are on 1 Peter 5:7.....”
[1 Peter 5:7 Throw all your anxieties upon him, because he cares about
you.]
Roast lamb and crispy potatoes and …
This is my version:
AT the school gatEs stood a gleaming Rolls-Royce.
Rowena ran to it at the end of the school day. The door opened by itself and
Rowena jumped in. "I say, pater, can we have a game of croquet on our
lawn this evening?" "Well, I don't see why not", replied her dad as the car
purred away. Rowena's brother, Tarquin, was at the older children's school
and insisted on making his own way home. When he arrived he made straight
for the kitchen. "Mater, I'm famished. What can I tuck in to?" "Well,
we don't want to spoil your dinner, but an avocado or two with some foie
grass, washed down with sparkling spring water from
Switzerland, should be ok", replied Mum.
Tommy was usually a stoic guy.
Nothing would trigger outward emotions in him, happy or sad. You
might think that he didn't care, but he did
notice things. One day, as he walked in town, he observed an old man shakily
holding tight to his cane on the other side of the road. No one seemed to be
taking any notice, but Tommy could see disaster was imminent. He was very
nifty as he dodged the traffic and sprinted
across the road to help the tippy old man who was on the point of
collapse. He found him in quite a tizzy of indecisiveness and
weakness. Tommy assisted him to a seat in a nearby coffee shop and helped
him relax and recover his composure.
The old man was not likely to remain upright much longer
Sir LAncelot had slain the dragon,
but not before his suit of armour had got very hot from the dragon's flames.
Hurriedly he took off his armour. Clank went the arm protectors.
Clang went the breastplate. Clatter went the leg protectors. He leapt
into the cold shower and relief spread over his form. Having dressed and
come into the Grand Hall, he was greeted with enthusiastic applause and
presented with a blank cheque. He was gobsmacked and bowed low
in thanks. Though he was unsure how he could make use of the blank cheque in
the absence of high street banks.
FatheR Brown was locked in the police cell. His attempts at helping
solve the crime had gone terribly wrong! At midday a sliver of light came in
through the small window and landed on a
prism that was perched on the window ledge.
The rainbow colours that spread out from it picked out the shape of a
sword buried into the wall. Father Brown gingerly took the
sword from the wall. Upon close examination, Father Brown found a
compartment in the handle that held a key to the cell. In the dead of night
he gently unlocked his door and let himself out, carrying the sword, and
crept away to gather the evidence that would reveal the true culprit and
exonerate himself.
Father Brown was free again to find the real culprit
The Indian foLk stAred as a jade green
lorry bundled along their rocky roads. They
looked confused, as it was not normal that a lorry should come this far out
into what they call the ‘poor parts’ of India. One little boy dared to
follow the lorry, and trudged behind it. The vehicle was moving slowly
because of the road quality, so the boy was able to follow at a good pace.
Naseem, the boy, followed the lorry as far as Wildbrier road until it came
to a halt. Naseem stopped abruptly and hid behind a bin, whilst the lorry
driver got out and opened the boot of the vehicle. He took out a box, which
was making weird squeaking sounds. Then he knocked on the door of Mr Yakub’s
house. Of course, thought Naseem. Mr Yakub was the richest person around! Mr
Yakub opened the door, his usual impatient look on his face, but when he saw
the parcel a gleaming smile spread on his mouth. “One
loris for you, sir. That would be £75 please,” the truck
driver said airily. Mr Yakub fished a bag of coins out of his pocket and
waited while the driver counted the money. The driver waved and headed back
to the truck, while Mr Yakub went indoors. Naseem saw the flash of a long
tail, a monkey!
Naseem thought it was strange to see a lorry on his local roads
This is my version:
Steven was up with the LaRk and, after a hurried, but healthy,
breakfast, he climbed aboard his
lorry (well actually a HGV). Today he had
to go to the airport cargo terminal. His load turned out to be some wild
animal cages to take to the zoo. "I hope there isn't an elephant in the
manifest", he thought. But it turned out to be smaller caged animals - a
baboon, a loris, and a monkey.
Rebecca Karen was a famous modeL. She wAs in the making of a
new film called: Starring. “No, no, no! Act like you actually have
slain the lamb! And please keep the pose!
And make sure you emphasise the modal verbs.” Director Muffin
cried, scattering his papers everywhere. Assistant Rosa cleared them up.
Rebecca sighed, and changed into her beginning pose once again. She had the
part of the poor person, and so she started in her scene. Rebecca sang her
song, fingering the mould on the loaf to
show how poor she was. “Much better, Becks. The voice and song are coming
along beautifully and the poses are coming on marvellously. What an
improvement!” Director Muffin praised, and ticked his clipboard. Rebecca
sighed in relief and went backstage to munch on some rich tea biscuits and
drink some tea. On the way, she noticed a new sign "No running"; "Why is it
necessary to have all these bylaw signs -
it clutters the place up so much", she grumbled. Director Muffin signalled
for Assistant Rosa to get his snacks and pipe through his favourite piece of
fugal music on his headphones.
Rebecca was dressed in poor clothes
This is my version:
The rain LAshed down and the windscreen wipers were struggling to
cope. At the side of the road was the
slain corpse of a badger. They pulled into
a layby and Dad shut his eyes for a break from the journey. "Hey Dad,
there's a bylaw sign here saying 'No
overnight camping' - not much likelihood of us breaking that one in this
weather", piped up Kazie. But Dad was fast asleep! Kazie put on her
headphones and listened to a fugue by J S Bach, enjoying the
fugal structure of the piece. Mum found an old sandwich to eat, but
had to scrape off the mould - she'd had
better bread before! Fabian was none too happy because the pressure was on
to get his English homework finished. "I've got to write a piece where every
sentence has a modal verb in it - it's driving me crazy",
grumped Fabian. Eventually the rain let up, Dad awoke, and they could
complete their journey to Granny's house.
Around thE bend in the path Kev could heaR a faint
eerie noise. It sounded a bit like a
chained-up dog, but then it didn't. Or was it a trapped cat, but no, it
wasn't that either. Kev was not sure what to do. Should he carry on trying
to harvest the plentiful black berry crop,
or turn home to safety. He stayed for a short while harvesting, but he was
ever so nervy with any sound at all making him freeze in mid
pick. After ten minutes he could stand it no longer and he walked briskly
home. At that point the speaker was turned off and a bunch of people came
out of hiding and set to to gather the berries. They joked about how
effective the scary noises had been in keeping the patch of brambles clear
for them to enjoy.
Kev expected to enjoy himself picking the berries until the eerie noise
started
Tom stuffed the can of tonic water
in his cargo pocket, threw the hoist over his shoulder and climbed
the ladder. He proceeded to secure the hoist to the joist and lower
the ropes to the ground. He then casually sat on the joist and enjoyed his
tonic water. Tom's foreman, Chris, came by and checked what had been done.
"Who told you to put that hoist there?", he asked. "Why you did Chris",
replied Tom. "Oh, so I did. Look I'm sorry to foist this on
you, but I need you to move it to another joist that's better suited to the
job we have to do", explained Chris. Tom was a good-natured sort of guy, and
he just set to to carry out his bosses wishes.
Lola lived in a lovely house, though it was near a
noisy main road. In the evenings, she would
draw the heavy curtains so that not a
chink of light could pass them; this
deadened the noise quite well. She could then practice the first movement of
The Moonlight Sonata which had many a
minim in it and produced a sense of calm.
As she was playing, Benjy, her husband, came in and slumped in the sofa
being soothed by the music. He fidgeted around trying to
unpin his collar studs, disturbing any
peacefulness the music had brought him. "Oh, tonight was humiliating - I had
to pay a fine to unbid a stupid impulsive
offer I'd made in the auction. And now I can't get these collar studs out."
Lola came to his rescue and calmly and quickly undid the
collar studs. "Right, let's get you to bed where you can sleep off today's
hassles", soothed Lola.
Lola wished she could have the thick curtains back
HErbert awoke from his sleep, aware of a strange
noise from his garden. He grabbed his
torch, put his warm dressing gown and wellies on and crept outside. When he
shone his torch around the garden he was
astonished to see that his garden gnome was surrounded by a
dozen or more others. The noise he had heard was the gnomes having a
meeting. Herbert didn't believe what he saw, so he went back to bed
imagining it was a dream.
When the disgraced LEader of the party was to be sent out of the
country, it was no luxury train ride on The Brighton
Belle. Instead it was a ride in a police
car to the military airfield where he was escorted on board a cargo plane to
take him to the country where he would begin his exile.
It wAs the Regular Sunday roast lunch at Granny's house. When
lunch was announced, there was a swarm of
family descending on the dining room, helping themselves to chicken, roast
potatoes, cabbage, cauliflower, peas and
gravy. They typically
drank 5 big bottles of Coca Cola and felt
very satisfied. On this occasion one child asked Granny if the gravy was a
different brand because it tasted rather nice. Granny was
pleased someone had noticed and pleased that it had turned out to be a
popular switch.
There was a noisy crash outside as a
dumpy bag fell off the hook and landed heavily on the ground,
splitting open and spewing its contents over the road. Sam, the delivery
driver, swore to himself - "It must have been that
bumpyhumpy lane that led here that
shook something loose". A local, who hadn't witnessed what had just
happened, called out a cheery "Howdy". Sam
just growled. He was in quite a jumpy state and envisaged a
lengthy process having to sort out this mess.
EmiLy Brontë was wondEring through the woods when her foot
caught on something solid. Upon
investigating further she uncovered a shack that was a dreadful
hovel. She had a good look round, then
headed back home to sketch out the idea for a new novel.
It might also have been the inspiration for her famous quotation "Having
leveled my palace, don't erect a hovel and complacently admire your own
charity in giving me that for a home".
WAllacE had cReated a smart robot guinea pig that could
play the snare drum. All was going well,
although Gromit was suspicious of it. One night there was a
freak thunderstorm which seemed to
remap the benign guinea pig into a disruptive creature that seemed
intent on inflicting pain on Wallace. Wallace came to
dread coming home from buying a loaf and some balls of wool,
wondering what violence would be meted out on him. Fortunately Gromit was on
the case and within a couple of evenings he had reset the robot guinea pig
back to its default mode and tranquillity returned to their home.
Gromit sensed trouble [Thanks to Lloyd Allen and ChatGPT]
The gLinT from the sun temporarily blinded him making him drop
what he was carrying making a
noisy clatter. He fumbled around whilst his
eyes came right, picking up one stilt after the other. At last
he could start practicing on his stilts again.
Eventually he was able to get back on the stilts again
ArThuR gave the urchin a groat and told him he
could make sure the roast lamb was turned
regularly. The urchin looked somewhat non-plussed and continued to hold out
his hand. Arthur reluctantly gave him another groat; and then another before
the lad set to to carry out his instructions. At last Arthur could enquire
about the progress of the experts on the latest production of the map of the
airth. Arthur was pleased to see the progress, especially the extent
of his kingdom in it. (The experts knew better than to fully represent what
was known, preferring to ensure that Arthur's ego were boosted.) Arthur took
a stroll through his gardens, idly fidgeting with a
pruta that had somehow come into his
possession. His stroll took him back through his three
atria to the dining hall where his feast was to take place.
Although the urchin had been cheeky asking for the higher fee, he'd done a
good job and the meal was excellent.
CLArEnce heard a knock at th dooR. He took one look at
his employee who looked way paler than
yesterday and immediately signed him off for the rest of the week. He then
had to set about finding another haler to
join the team that had to haul the heavy wagon up the incline. But then
someone suggested to him that they could get the
waler in on the team on a temporary basis.
So long as they looked after the horse well, it wouldn't do it any harm to
be involved for a few days. As Clarence went off to check on the hay baling
department he pondered how on earth his company had gotten into such a weird
mix of activities. At the baling department, the *baler was working normally
so Clarence could rest easy and attend to something else. So, off to the
brewery and then the buttery he went.
The waler horse was assigned the task of assisting the other halers
ThERe was a strange noise when
Graham bit into his drupe. He had a
crude notion that it might be to do with
the arrival of the clowns into town that day. But as the steam engine went
round a curve in the road one wheel was seen veering off in
another direction. It became apparent that he had been nowhere near
explaining the noise! Graham was able to bring the stricken vehicle to a
halt and summon help to get the poor machine back together again.
What do you get when you put a
noisydowdymoggy together
with a dodgymoodycocky chimp and with a zoo keeper
who is a bit of a chump in charge? I'm
blowed if I know! I'll have to stop trying to solve that one and go and
admire the beauty of a poppy instead!
TheRe was a loud knock at the door.
Sonic the hedgehog opened it cautiously.
Two men with serious faces, long drab trench coats, trilbies and shades
stood there, one of them holding a clipboard. "Your creditors have got a
court ruling that you are not allowed to incur any more debt.
We have come to remove valuable items to be sold to attempt to clear your
debt", said one in a deep voice. Poor Sonic slumped into a chair, quite
crest-fallen, as he watched his treasured gold and platinum awards being
removed into a sack.
Sonic did not like what he saw. [Thanks to Lloyd Allen and ChatGPT for the
picture]
The summer schooL holidays had started and Mum came down to the
noisy breakfast room where
Holly was banging the table with her spoon
in time to the music in her headphones. Mum sighed and eased the spoon out
of Holly's hand. She opened the fridge door to get things for a cooked
breakfast and noticed that the cheddar cheese was starting to get
moldy. Something to add to the shopping list. On seeing the
food for breakfast, Holly rushed up, keen to help. They had a lovely time
working together on the meal.
As she switched on the Light, she was convinced she was confronted by
a bison all decked in
bling. She was just about to turn and
scarper but did a blink and the room became normal. The first
task was to check her eyes and sure enough, the false eyelash had become
unstuck!
Sure enough the false eyelashes were the cause of the illusion
![Sonic did not like what he saw. [Thanks to Lloyd Allen and ChatGPT for the picture]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIvebGfNIAHbMfOchJhFqRTsp6bgu_nUguhEdrPBMrm54ZFomM_i6d7QJ6g1hWC88dFBCdWFjprP6GefhQpvsj17_6va45xziBlzhRGpP_AKrwyYlvHtbmVwD-c_Q0EI4OP-82wayXmatXUT4KZD7HA_wqNS9hkrOXX1UNXeCJksK0y5ICemdbJZfVi4w/s1024/1484-INCUR.JPG)
