559 - MOLAR

Said the mouse to the rat "Why is that LARge snail so staid in its movements?" As the rat was about to apply his wisdom to the question, the sound of the owl's wings stopped their pondering and they scurried off, just in time to avoid being the owl's supper. Meanwhile the snail kept going, following the scent of another snail. Having completed their amour and laid their eggs, the snails got back to eating, getting a molar or two (oops - a few thousand radula or so) stuck in to the next prize flower in the garden!

558 - HAVOC

Drinking too much AlCoHOl can make a person macho, but in the end is likely to lead to havoc. 

557 - IMPEL

The IsLEr is a passenger and goods ferry based in Lerwick. Each morning the mechanic is found checking that vital bearings are well oiled. The boat plies the isles and is relied on by the locals. Elon Mix flies in occasionally to the airport and expects to use the Isler for his onward journey to his get-away. But if he's late, the boat doesn't wait for him, much to Elon's annoyance. Each visit where that happens, Elon visits the operating company and tries to impel them to adapt to his arrivals and departures. Despite the money he offers, the owners never budge. "The boat's primarily for the locals", is always their retort.

556 - CONDO

Oliver's day started with some housekeeping. It was high time he washed his gonch and socks in the washing machine. To get inspiration for his next short story, he decided to go to the local restaurant, run by Trinidadians, which served the unusual dish of conch shells and Chinese congo tea. The setting gave him much inspiration and the story soon started flowing. Then the notification on his phone let him know about his appointment in half an hour, so Oliver had to quickly finish up and head back to his condo for the online interview with his publisher. "That's a great story, Oliver" said his publisher, "how soon can you get it over to me?"

555 - JUDGE

Florence was sitting on the bEnch Under the bridge enjoying the river scene alongside two strangers. An old man was keen to sit down and the person next to Florence gave her a nudge to move along the bench to make room. Florence couldn't move very far and the man at the other end made it quite clear that he wasn't going to budge. Florence decided to calm the tense situation by offering a piece of fudge to everyone, including the uncooperative man. He was taken aback and sheepishly moved to the end of the bench making way for the old man to sit down. Florence's faith had taught her not to judge people too hastily and before long all four of them were having a deep conversation. It turned out that the uncooperative man had lost his job that day and he was very apprehensive. He got a lot of consolation and hope from the conversation with Florence and the other strangers.

554 - EXTRA

KATh workEd in a Retail outlet where they sold clothes. The manager came up to her all flustered. "These cardigans were all mislabelled by the goods inwards guys", she said to Kath. "Quick, go around them all and retag them!" The manager was very surprised when Kath came back a few minutes later to let her know that the new tags were now all on. "That was quick - thank you. You can have a bonus in your pay packet this week". Kath was pondering what she'd do with the extra money but, being sensible, put it into her savings.

553 - POISE

Eloise was once again at the baker's making PIes (her least favourite task) and Onion paSties. At last she had finished and could get away. She cycled to the ballet school and donned her ballet costume. Once more she started with that elegant poise she was famous for. She then went into her familiar work-out which the other dancers all stopped to admire.

552 - AORTA

Mr Gulliver set sail in his new yAcTh fRom the harbour. He had mustered every chart he could to help him on his solo round-the-world voyage. He was therefore surprised to find an uncharted island and he went ashore to see what the place was like. He was not prepared for the shock of meeting the island inhabitants who were 20 feet tall! They started to strap him down with straw (which also was much bigger and stronger than he was used to). Even the stray pieces of straw were worth using. The island chief came to inspect the discovery. She was one of the most beautiful women Mr Gulliver had ever seen with a waspy waist. She had her hair tied with a triad of braids. Mr Gulliver couldn't tell if his aorta was throbbing so strongly because of the straw pinning him down or the stunning beauty looking at him. After several hours Mr Gulliver's peaceful intentions had been communicated and he found himself the guest of honour at the banquet. But all he could eat on that occasion was a couple of ¼lb roasted grasshoppers, a piece of fusilli and one leaf of lettuce!

551 - EXCEL

LEslie was the local watchmaker. He was very skilful in metalwork and other skills. Each project would take at least 2 weeks to make and, being individual, commanded a premium price tag. He was now at the stage in his latest project of assembling a balance wheel into its jewelled bearing. A couple of days later he was completing the case finishing off with its attractive bevel edge. The customer was delighted when she came to pick it up - "You do excel at your work", she exclaimed putting the watch on. "It's worth every penny!". Leslie beamed with satisfaction.

550 - LUNAR

The LA smog depressed Rupert. He decided to go on an adventure. He packed his lidar equipment and other electronic gadgets he'd built into his Ford F150 and headed off towards the desert. Somehow all the electronic apparatuses linked up together with the strange green rock he'd found last year and generated a negative gravitational force so that the F150 lifted off the ground. It's just as well that Rupert also owned a second-hand space suit because before long he had left the earth's atmosphere. A few hours later he found himself surveying the lunar landscape. "I've certainly escaped", he thought to himself, "but I'd rather be back on the earth". HOW WILL RUPERT RETURN? WATCH THE NEXT THRILLING EPISODE NEXT WEEK FOLKS!

549 - THIRD

Barry had the unusual method of locating buried artefacts using a TRIpod with a theodolite on top. A couple of years ago he did have a flirt with the idea of using a drone instead but felt it was too risky and expensive. By applying every trick he knew, Barry was able to locate a really valuable ancient jewel-encrusted sword on the third attempt at that site. But getting the sword out of the stone proved too difficult for Barry so he covered it over and informed the local historical society of his findings. One of its members, a Mr Lancelot, knew where the secret catch was to release it and it now took pride of place in the local museum.

548 - SLATE

The scene was aLl set for the Downton Abbey ChrisTmas cElebrations. The sheep had been cleaned and tied up to a cleat ready for the take. There was an occasional bleat but the shepherd was standing by for comfort. Lady Grantham had her attire checked down to the last pleat. Carson had the plate of drinks ready. The clapper boy wrote 'Scene 97 Take 1" on the slate and the director called out "Action".

547 - TAPER

AT the aftERnoon playtime Freddie had the toy taser and was going around the other children taking their toys from them. On observing this, the Nursery Worker took Freddie aside. "You can't always be a taker", she said, "you must also learn to be a giver". Although Freddie learnt his lesson that day, his tendency was always to take. So a career in the HMRC as a taxer suited him well. When he was 24 he encountered Geraldine who was generous, warm and beautiful. Freddie and Geraldine fell in love and before the year was out they were married. Geraldine had a powerful effect on Freddie and he became a lot tamer. He became a sidesman in the local church which meant he could take money from people, but now not for himself. He would be early at the service and would be seen, taper in hand, lighting the church candles.

546 - CHORD

ROberta the organist was a keen nature lover. She'd joined a group of volunteers who took turns to keep vigil over the local brock sett, checking on their comings and goings. When on watch she would keep her sandwiches in a crock pot rather than use a plastic container or, even worse, some clingfilm. On Sunday she would put on her best frock and head for the organ loft. She pulled out the appropriate stops for the first hymn and, on cue, played the opening chord. After a flawless rendition of all the hymns she felt great satisfaction and wasn't surprised at the complimentary comments from the other church goers as they had coffee and mince pies afterwards.

545 - PROBE

Eloise, the amateur ballERina, balanced herself in a very elegant poise. She was doing well but then her phone rang and she had to break off. The baker had set the bread dough to prove and now needed Eloise to come in and make the fancy bread shapes and plaits for baking that she was so good at. "Ok", said Eloise, "I'll be right there". By the time Eloise got there, the baker was just pulling out the temperature probe from the bread and, being satisfied, passed the dough over to Eloise to get to work. When Eloise was on duty, they always had lots of customers.

544 - RIVAL

He bLAmed himself foR not being more successful in life. This time he put a lot of effort into planning and set up a daily blog. He promoted it on social media and somehow got noticed. Pretty soon his posts had gone viral. Before the year was out he was very popular, with not a single rival anywhere close in popularity.

543 - USUAL

LArry went to visit a new-to-him National Trust property. He studied the map he was given and was bewildered at the size and scope of the place. "What shall I choose?", he said to himself. He bypassed the grotto with the awful statues in and stopped to study the shoal of goldfish in the ornamental lake. And then he came across the maze. "Ah, this is what I'd really like to do", he thought to himself. He made it to the centre where there was an anvil that one could use as a table to write down your time taken. By now he was getting hungry and was relieved to find there was a quick, marked exit route. He made his way to the NT café where he ordered his usual soup followed by cream tea.

542 - SPOKE

ThE aPpearance Of Santa during the school pantomime caused tears of laughter, as intended. His beard was streaked with black grease, his hat was torn and the sack of toys was twice the size of the young lad playing the part. His sledge was a sight, with bits hanging loose and the reindeer looking all bothered. But when he spoke the laughter increased even more; his voice was modified by the sound system to make him sound like a croaky old man! "I still haven't got the hang of these wind turbines." he said to much laughter.

541 - APPLY

Andy LAy in front of the TV and Popped another slice of pizza in his mouth. Since he thought of himself as an alpha guy, the next day he thought he would pick up the heavy plank as the young ladies walked past. But he misjudged the weight and size of the plank and fell over - it became a clamp pinning him to the ground. The young ladies (who were on their way back from the gym) rushed over to help and soon had Andy released. After a painful wait to see the paramedic he was checked over. "There's nothing seriously amiss with you", said the paramedic, "Apply this ointment to your sore muscles for a few days to ease the pain". His ego pierced, he decided after this that he must be a beta guy!

540 - NAIVE

Ricky had a yummy meal of mashed spuds, steamed cabbage and lamb chops followed by jam roly-poly and custard. He felt he must be fit enough for anything and set off running towards the top of Ben Nevis. A wise person would have done a lot of training and preparation to attempt that, but Ricky was rather naïve and after the first mile he had to give up and admit defeat.

539 - KNOCK

Dodds the detective closed his front door and headed for his lounge. It had been a busy day catching criminals. The thief stole the charity collection container, popped into the open church and stole a vicar's garments. Using the outfit he put on a pious expression and phony religious voice. He went to the first house he found and gave a knock on Dodds' door hoping to claim his first victim of theft. In a trice Dodds had sussed what was going on and the thief was in handcuffs awaiting being picked up by the police car.

538 - BRAID

The bARmaid at the Fox & Hounds asked the customer what that was around the customer's wrist. The place was very noisy so she had to repeat her question. "Oh that", exclaimed the customer, "that's a piece of braid to remind me to buy some cat food before going home.

537 - INFER

Elizabeth RegINa was regaled in her best clothes and jewellery. The visiting head of state thought that you could not find any finer clothes or jewellery. Afterwards, she was thinking about the life of a diamond miner and how different it would be to hers. The next day she'd arranged a secretive meeting with an illustrator for the book she was writing. They met in a diner, ordering burger and chips with a side of salad. ER had to look at other customers to see how to tackle eating the burger. The engraver had a small inker with her and she proceeded to show ER her latest illustrations. After a few small adjustments to the designs, ER was content, giving her an inner peace she'd not otherwise known in Royal circles. The diner proprietor was trying to puzzle out who the two unusual customers were and all he could infer was that they were famous actors hiding their identities.

536 - JOUST

VicTor spoke to Matt saying "I shall pound you till you're black & blue". He thought he was tough but in actuality it was all mouth. Matt, who was from the South, just stood his ground despite his youth. "If you so much as touch me, you'll be mincemeat", said Matt and so there were no bouts of fisticuffs. Victor was reminded by a sharp stab of pain that he was somewhat gouty, so he suggested instead that they played video games together. They found a game that was based on two knights having a joust which kept them entertained all evening and helped restore the relationship.

535 - AMBER

The Alpaca Running across thE road caused Lee to slam on the brakes whereupon the car behind bumped him gently. This made Lee shout out in anger. He was about to drive through the lights so he could pull up, but the green changed to amber making Lee even more furious. After swapping details with the other driver he carried on to his destination. "It's just as well I'm off to an anger-management therapy session", he thought to himself.

534 - WOKEN

A mElodious sound crescendoed every time he took a spoonful of honey out of the jar, but this just seemed quite normal. He put the woven fabric over the top of the jar and the melody changed to a minor key and faded. Suddenly he was surrounded by loads of women pointing their fingers at him with anger and shouting silently. In an instant this all ceased as he was woken from his restless sleep. He kissed his wife in relief, despite the perspiration dripping from his face. "Thank you for rescuing me from that nightmare", he exclaimed.

533 - ADORE

As Egbert Rode his motorbike he muttered to himself "I swear that lamppost wasn't there yesterday". Then he twigged it was a smear on his visor. A couple of minutes later he rode up to the deserted manor house and gingerly opened the door. In the hall on the walls were darkened dusty paintings, and a shield and spear. A feeling of dread crept over him so that, when a rat scurried across the room, it gave Egbert quite a scare. Apprehensively he went further in and was fortunate to spot the snare in his path which he was able to step over. This encouraged him to keep going as it meant there was something worth seeking out beyond here. Behind an innocent-looking door Egbert found a narrow passageway in which there was little room to spare. And then he saw it - the hoard of valuables occupied a fair proportion of the chamber at the end of the passage. "There's plenty here to share some with me.", thought Egbert. He stretched out his hand and grabbed what he could reach, stuffing it into his bag. He did this a couple of times more and then retraced his way through the house. Once he was in the hall he paused to take a look at some of his valuables and came across a beautiful sapphire necklace. "I know someone who will adore this", he thought to himself as he pictured his beloved Eloise. He rode back to her house in triumph and showed Eloise the hoard and told her where it came from. "You've got to take this to the police and tell them where the rest is", she retorted in a voice that had to be obeyed. But Egbert did get a £1,000 reward for handing in the treasure trove.

532 - TORSO

Baby TRev was being very noisy and refused to be consoled. His Mum thought that this was the worst day of the week so far. And then she hit on the idea of the toy potato-man. She showed baby Trev how you started with the torso and then added various other body parts. Baby Trev was transfixed and peace came to the house at last, allowing his Mum to get on with her work.

531 - CHAFE

The girAffE knew where he could get a cheap meal of spinach and chips. The leopard, however, had other ideas and gave chase to the giraffe. But when the giraffe ran through the deep river, the leopard had to break off. When the giraffe got to the food outlet he found that, if he stooped down low enough to get through the door, the top of the door would chafe the back of his neck. So he sat down outside the establishment and the waiter came out to take his order. Meanwhile the leopard went to the local MacDonalds to eat, so both of them were happy.

530 - EJECT

ThE hotelier was trying to point out to the customer that he needed to pay his bills. But the customer would have none of it and pushed the hotelier in the chest. The hotelier backed off from further confrontation but instead phoned the police to report that a guest was becoming aggressive. When the police arrived they ensured the guest paid for his stay and decided to eject him with a severe warning about his violent behaviour. 

529 - STUDY

AT 11:29 it suddenly became very noisy outside. The wind was very gusty and trees and loose items were blowing this way and that. The student tried to get back to his study, but the weather was very distracting - he had to revise a lot of his work later on.