One afteRnoon, John had bakEd a lasagne and had left it on the
table to cool off. Garfield eyed it and licked his lips. The
force and temptation inside was just telling him to gobble it
up. He did. Garfield shone with happiness
now that he has eaten the lasagne.
Garfield eyeing the lasagne
This is my version:
ThE day was bRight - the sun
shone at full force. He lay back on the sun-bed for 5 minutes. Half an hour later he woke up,
red all over. He suffered for that "5 minutes".
RacheL hAd had to visit thE hospital foR an
investigation and a variety of tests. She was dreading her next visit to get
the results. When she got to the consulting room, the doctor described the
outcome in lots of detail. "I haven't a clue what you're talking about",
interrupted Rachel. "Oh, sorry, you can
relax, it all means your
renal system is working fine", responded
the doctor. "And by renal you mean?", she said. "Your waterworks", was the
doctor's reply. "Oh, you doctors are in another realm,
what's wrong with normal talk?", laughed Rachel.
Hallo! I'm a crow and todAy I nEed to journey to Crisp Green
Hollow. That means to fly over the wheat fields where they collect wheat.
Sometimes they gather a bunch and tie them into a beautiful
sheaf. The reason I am flying to Crisp
Green Hollow is because I am having a meeting with the pigeons to
speak about how we can
cease the magpies from stealing our food
supply. They always do and get away with it. So annoying!
Wheatfield Crows by Philip Harvey
This is my version:
The combine hArvEster had been busy all day on farmer Bill's
fields. But just as they were about to do the last field, Bill came on
the harvester's intercom shouting "Cease,
cease,..."."What's up?", replied the harvester. "Don't do the last field -
something has come up. Thanks for your help. Go well on your next farm",
replied Bill.
During the next week Bill had managed to get part of the last field
harvested a more old-fashioned way, resulting in many a
sheaf of wheat standing vertical in the
sunshine.
The next day the film crew, sound guys, director, actors etc turned up and
set to creating, a scene of harvesting going on. Eventually it was
time for the actual shooting of the film to begin. The famous actor took a
breath to speak,
but immediately started coughing and struggling to breathe. He calmed
down and tried again - same again. The director ran over. "Do you have
asthma?", he inquired. "I used to a bit as a child", was the reply, "give me
an hour to see if I can build up to full voice". The director did some other
shots not needing the main actor whilst he waited. Eventually they tried
again, and this time everything went smoothly. There weren't any needs for
retakes, so in the end it was okay. None of the camera shots showed the rest of the vast field still left to harvest!
Once the film crew had left, Bill still had to get the last of the wheat
cut. He even made a bit of a profit selling the sheaves of wheat.
The honeybee worker named Laree, was a full time employee as a
conductor for the honey factory and had a short
stint as a honey taster. Then the alarm
rang and an alarmed voice called out that a bee accidentally
stung a human and needs serious attention from the hospital
bees.
The bee that accidentally stung a human
This is my version:
Thomas was enjoying his time at agricultural college. There were all
sorts of topics and, as well as the basics, the students could choose to
have a stint at different a speciality.
Thomas was disappointed to find that there was not one on apiary as he was
very keen to try that first hand. His tutor found a nearby part-time course
on it run by another organisation and suggested that Thomas did that. He was
even able to arrange it so that it counted as a suitable specialist subject
for his main course. Thomas was delighted and got on with the apiary course.
Right at the beginning he was taught about how to use a bee-keeper's suit to
avoid being stung when around a hive. There were weeks of classroom
lessons as well. The course teacher wrote a glowing report of Thomas for the
agricultural college.
The mayor of Chipmunk Hollow was holding A veRy
important meeting. Somebody was complaining about the forage chipmunks not
bringing enough food back, thanks to the mountain lion that is now roaming
the middle of the forest. I was the manager of the 'Forest Feeder' shop. The
mayor was very pious. One of the forage
chipmunks caught a glimpse of the
razor sharp teeth of the mountain
lion.
Some of the chipmunk's at the mayor's meeting - some clearly quite
agitated
This is my version:
Brother Logon hAd joined the "VeRy
Pious Order of Sampson" at aged 18. The
main distinguishing aspect of the Order was that a
razor should never be used on the hair.
Logon was a studious monk and he especially enjoyed studying local politics.
The monastery was located in a large urban area that had just decided to
adjust it's governance structure and, to everyone's surprise (and the
Abbot's dismay), Brother Logon put himself forward as a candidate for the
new role of Mayor.
He was quite the centre of attention at canvassing meetings, what with
his waist-length hair and olive-green habit. The other candidates struggled
to be noticed. The media took great interest in him, especially as he was
very knowledgeable and seemed to make sense in his replies. He won the
contest by a landslide! It was a strange sight seeing the Mayoral Limousine
pull up at the monastery in the mornings and present Brother Logan with his
seal of office and relevant robes for the day's occasion before squeezing
through the narrow gates leaving the monastery. The abbot glowed with pride
and fumed in equal measure as he watched!
Brother Logon posing for his Mayoral office (This was a joke one done
at the end of the shoot)
The chipmunks were holding a raffLe and there were three winners. The
rAffle manager was just announcing the winners and picked three slips
of paper out of his black top hat. "The winners are..." he began in his
booming voice, "Sally Hope, Remmy Wirehood and Lucy
Pennyfarther! You will each take home 12 buckets bursting with walnuts,
acorns, pine nuts and many more delicious nuts!".
Sally eagerly awaiting the result of the raffle
This is my version:
"Let us All sally forth to the stores this early Boxing Day
morning and see what bargains we can find!", exclaimed Aunt Bessie, waving
her ancient rolled umbrella in the air. The younger ones in the family
hadn't a clue what she was talking about, but it sounded exciting enough!
"A towel blew about in the gale and there was
sleet everywhere you looked. A light
flicked on in the farmhouse. It was from the master bedroom. The farmer was
going to bed and from what I can see, he hung his night gown on a hook on
the door and climbed into bed pulling his covers on and flicking the light
back off."
"And that was my night report, master."
Little Timmy Fox.
A bit earlier at the farmhouse
This is my version:
When she set off to waLk home, ThE weather was pleasant
enough. But within a few minutes the wind started picking up, the sky
quickly darkened and she started to feel damp on her face. She had no
alternative but to press on. By the time she stumbled in through the front
door she'd endured torrential rain, loud thunder rumblings all about and
finally sleet. Her husband came to the
rescue and relieved her of her hat, coat and shoes whilst presenting her
with a large warm towel.
ThE centuRion surveyed the scene. The cross bar and stake had
already been cored ready for speedily attaching together. The three
convicts were nailed to a cross and the crosses hoisted into position by the
soldiers. The centurion watched the convicts, wondering, as he always did,
whether they were guilty or not. There seemed no doubt that two of them
were, what with their curses and spitting at the soldiers.
But the other one? His agony seemed to be other-worldly and there was no
riling at the soldiers from him. Eventually Jesus let out a great cry saying
"It is finished" and his spirit left him.
Since the Sabbath was approaching, this crucifixion needed to be concluded
quickly. The legs of the two robbers were broken to speed their death. The
Centurion had been so engrossed about what had happened to Jesus that he
commanded a soldier to spear him instead. After Jesus had been
gored, blood and water poured out, proving
he was already dead.
Earlier in the day, those witnessing had various reactions; some were even
bored, having witnessed so many
crucifixions; but these turn of events had everyone's attention. So, as the
Centurion proclaimed "Surely this man was innocent", the crowd started
drifting away, their attitudes having changed from derision of Jesus to
their own shame.
The soldiers seemed not to notice the earth shattering events taking place.
One of them asked the Centurion if he wanted him to preen his horse,
as he usually did at this point in the day. He got no answer apart from a
wave of the hand dismissing the concept.
Three days later the centurion was asked to investigate a report of a body
risen from the dead. He reported that it had indeed happened
and that the criminal was definitely dead after his crucifixion. But his
superiors surmised he had failed in his duty and so he was posted to Joppa.
A garment clEaning business used a variety of
means to clean clothes. They advertised not
just laundry and dry-cleaning but also waxing garments. Sometimes a waxed
garment had so much filth and grime deeply embedded that they first had to
dewax it before washing and drying it and
finishing it with wax. Now and again, once the garment had been dewaxed it
started falling apart from unseen decay.
The customer was often quite sad when this happened. One can imagine them
having a cremation in their back yard with lots of alcohol to go round!
LEopArd was getting ready to chase a wild rabbit and prepared to set off. A
little shape moved in the grass about a few meters away as Leopard stayed in
the shade so he wasn’t seen. The rabbits always had to be careful since
there were always predators about it luckily there weren’t snakes so a viper wasn’t hiding behind any rocks. When the rabbit was in sight, Leopard
thought that the creature needed a shave because from a distance, it just
looks like a ball of fluff.
Leopard after a rabbit
This is my version:
Dr SEbAstian in his youth had to have an enema. So it was with great
sympathy that he used the apparatus on his patients. So it was extremely
rare when he had to chase a reluctant patient around the corridors. On one
such occasion the escapee patient rounded a corridor to be confronted by
what looked like a hideous shape with huge claws but which was simply a shadow. "That was a
close shave", sobbed the patient as she fell into the arms of Dr Sebastian.
On his way home, Dr Sebastian walked over the heath. Just in time Dr
Sebastian saw the viper beside the path basking in the intermittent sun and shade.
Frankie cLaimed he could handle any situation he found himself in. So
it was a surprise when he entered the
noisy graduation party to discover he
hadn't a clue what was going on. None of the conversations he tried to
engage with made any sense. He asked one of those serving drinks if they
knew what they were all talking about. "I'm not really sure", she replied,
"I think they are all computer programmers and all their conversations are
in their common lingo.
Frankie was all at sea at the computer geeks' party
"OUT!" beLlowed Miss Mannering sTErnly. "I cannot have this
behaviour in my class, it is unnecessary for owls to behave this way!". Miss
Mannering was taking class Four in English - and Peter has just thrown an
aeroplane at the board while Miss Mannering had turned to write something.
Once Peter had left the room, Miss Mannering mumbled to the class, "bad
owl". That afternoon, Peter walked home and jumped over the
style that led to his house and while he
was doing that he noticed that someone had spelt "HELLO" in
the mud.
Peter atop the stile
This is my version:
Len lived on the ouTskirts of thE town. At the bottom
of his garden there was a stile that took
him into the farmer's field. This year the farmer was growing
spelt in it. Len couldn't help the temptation to break off a
head so he could find out what it was like.
Daddy was seTtling his childRen into bed for the night. This was after he'd
heard them read from their school reading books. "Now it's time for me to
read a story to you", he said. There was a bit of an argie-bargie about
which story and whether it should be short or long. They finally agreed on
"Fox in Socks". By now, Daddy had become quite slick at reading the
tongue-twister and all the children loved it, even the youngest of them. "Be
a sport Dad - read it again", said the oldest. Daddy sighed and started
again. But within two minutes there was a snort as the youngest fell fast
asleep. There was not much resistance from the children to Daddy stopping
reading and kissing each child as they snuggled down to sleep.
Two (not very good) scientists, who lived in different continents but who
knew each other, both had an idea for the same experiment at the same time.
They wanted to do a experiment where they put a belladonna plant and a nest
of wasps in the same small place and see what would ensue - which would
poison the other first. So they made it a joint experiment. They both set
up the project in their own labs and made observations. After several weeks,
both the plant and the insects were thriving. It was only then that they read the literature which
showed that the belladonna was of no interest to the wasps so there was no
contest. The toxin of both the plant and the insects never got ingested by
the other!
Hallo! I'm a caT and I live in a village nExt to a volcano.
The volcano is doRmant so its not active and not likely to
erupt. Don't worry! We are all safe! But if you're wondering, why settle near a
volcano when you could settle in a city where there is no danger or harm in
arms reach? Well its because the crops grow marvellously here by Mount
Rocky. Today the sun shone through the windows of my house so I've decided
to take a treck up the volcano, or mountain or giant rock or whatever
you call a mossy-used-to-be-a-volcano rock! My owners, a pleasant couple,
have their own ways. Delia is very
terse whereas Tom makes his sentences like
half an hour long.
Cat's home is near here
This is my version:
Two friEnds set off on a walking holiday in teRritory
new to both of them. On their first day their treck was quite easy
and the sun shone. They enjoyed their evening at the hotel and slept soundly
afterwards. The next morning however turned colder and the drizzly rain
intensified. To make it worse one of them misread the map and their walk
took much longer than they'd expected. Sitting in the rain in an exposed
space to eat their packed lunch didn't improve the situation. Their
conversation, such as it was, was pretty
terse. Their extra long journey to their
next hotel was no better, arriving as the restaurant was closing, limiting
their choices to a couple of cold dishes. At the check-in, the receptionist
at first said they had no reservation for them. One of the friends was too
aware of what his friend may do next. He took him aside and spoke kindly to
him so that he did not erupt. He asked the receptionist to check again with her manager. Finally they
found the reservation and peace returned.
Everybody had bEgun to get really picky since they had been stuck on the
island. The pen of geese had been dismantled due to the pecking on the wood
so it was about to fall apart. The last time the sun had shone was about 4
days ago and now it was pouring with drizzly rain. Yesterday, there was
thunder and lightening and it sent a shiver down my spine.
The geese in the pen with the rain pouring down
This is my version:
Doctor Johann is an unusual chiropractor. UnlikE most in his
profession, he specialises in poultry - chickens, ducks,
geese and so on. All his patients are show
birds, most of them chickens. The owners would pamper their birds so much so
that the feathers shone under the glare of the show lights. The
keenest owners would take their prize birds to Doctor Johann so that he
could manipulate each bird's spine to
release any trapped nerves and improve the health of the bird. Just about
all his clients' owners were delighted with their birds' health
since taking them to Doctor Johann.
I'm Cherry Logan, a puppy And I'm Living in the
local dog shelter until I get chosen to go home with a willing
new owner. Yesterday, Coco was chosen to go home with a new owner. Coco was
in the kennel facing me so I saw clearly when she was being taken out of her
kennel and fussed over by being chosen by someone new. She is a Chihuahua
and is the lousy, bossy type who fusses
over their appearance way too much. I could have swallowed a
loach when I saw her fluffing up her hazel brown fur in order to
impress the passers by! Snowy, Chipolata, Cinema, Midnight and Blossom
rolled their eyes in Coco's direction and Feathers, my kennel mate scoffed.
We did not like the little overdramatic scene.
Coco being treated in the fashion she's accustomed to
This is my version:
ALAstair woke up to a grey dismal day. "Oh what a
lousy day", he said to his wife Alice. The
day was made worse because the electricity was not working and they couldn't
have tea or toast for breakfast. They had planned to go out for a trip and
decided, despite the weather, to proceed with their plans. At lunchtime they
found a restaurant serving some interesting menu items. Alastair decided to
try a dish using loach; Alice was not so adventurous and had baked
potato and cheese. By the time they got to Treen, the weather had eased and
they could, after all, walk to the Logan Rock perched high on the
cliff overlooking the sea. Although the rain had eased, the wind was pretty
intense and they didn't stay out too long. They headed back to their home
town and eat in its local fish and chip restaurant. They
learned that the electricity had been restored around noon so it was safe to
head home to some warmth and light.
Fluffy wAs a mountain rabbit and had sEttled in a pleasant
burrow in a medium sized mountain. He lived with a sensible family
comprising of his 2 younger twin brother and sister, an older sister, and
his mother and father. Fluffy had his own remarks on his family, like he
thought his father looked a bit beaky since he had a very large
pointy nose. Fluffy's grandma lived in the mountain next door and she was
full of wisdom and kept pointing out old adages to mother because she is
always spending lots of money. Just yesterday, she reminded mum of a wise
old adage. "A penny saved is a penny earned", she would say. Bonnie, my
older sister is looking very peaky today since she had a headache
last night. Today seems really boring because right now, I'm just watching
dad snead the rose bush while he made his
arms chafe heavily. I decided to go and
find something to eat and had to heave myself from the comfy
position on the wall in exchange for the taste of a warm welcoming snack.
Fluffy
This is my version:
Although AlEx had been teased at school because of his beaky nose, he had
not let it dampen his enthusiasm for learning, becoming a confident
well-rounded young man. He'd grown up in Norfolk, and, for a change, had a
great walking holiday in the Scottish Highlands one summer where the
landscape was so peaky compared to his flat Norfolk. One of the things that
he had picked up in his youth were various sayings. One in particular, the adage 'a rolling stone gathers no moss', was a particular favourite of his.
On his walking he was on the lookout to see if he could find any rolling
stones and whether they gathered any moss. He soon realised that this was
never going to happen whilst he was watching! Mind you, it didn't stop him
taking home a snead of smooth rock which had no moss on it! At one point on
his walk he slipped and slid down a short slope. He got up and carried on,
but his leg started hurting. Checking where the pain was coming from, he
found that there were chafe marks from the fall. The pain didn't improve
and by the time he'd got back to his car, he was done in and he had to heave himself back into the car and attend to his wound before driving back
to his lodgings.
Fox and his family wEre in their garden and Father fox had just
shooed away a pesky magpie from eating their fresh
strawberries. In their flower bed there was a beautiful
scene of bright red tomatoes, glowing green
leeks, the plump strawberries, sticks of sweetcorn, a few baby cabbages, an
apple tree, a blueberry bush and a raspberry bush. The garden was really
messy since Father fox was very busy and
didn't have time to tidy up after the gardening.
Mr Fox had help getting the garden back to looking nice again
This is my version:
ConstantinE arranged for his neighbour to keep an eye out for his
cats and to provide some food and water for them whilst he was on holiday.
Constantine had a lovely holiday in Venice and arrived back home feeling
quite relaxed and cheerful. That is, until he walked through his front door.
The scene that met him changed his mood
instantly. There was a distinct odour in his hallway. The lounge was so
messy that he didn't know which parts were
worst. Somehow the cats knew they were in trouble and didn't come to greet
him. Constantine was straight on the phone to a house cleaning agency.
"Whilst I was on holiday my pesky cats have made a proper mess
of my house. Can I book you to clear up as best you can as soon as possible
please", he said on the phone. After finishing that he put his hat and coat
on and went out for the afternoon.
One of the sights that met Constantine on returning home
Benny hAd woken up feeling veRy hungry and after eating his
porridge, he still felt hungry. Benny was a squirrel and lived with his twin
sister Bonnie and his parents. Benny had caught sight of a pack of chocolate
coated walnuts on a high shelf. They were in his dads grasp but of
course, his dad would refuse and say, "No, you've just had your breakfast
and as they are chocolate coated, well, you'll have to have them after
lunch!".
All of Benny's fathers' friends played a
brass instrument which they all played
together in a band on Saturday mornings.
Benny opened up his new fact book and read it to take his mind off food for
a while. Did you know a dolphin uses sonar?
After 3 pages of reading, Benny stopped. 2 reasons. 1. because Benny's dad
was practicing his trumpet and he accidentally dropped it and it made a loud
crash, and 2. because his tummy was rumbling like an earthquake.
Father squirrel playing the trumpet
This is my version:
An eccentRic sailor had built himself a small submarine. He
had just upgraded it by fitting active
sonar equipment and was proudly setting off
on a test trip. Grinning from ear to ear, he watched the sonar telling him
of his distance from the seabed. Occasionally he'd glance at the
brass-rimmed pressure gauge - all was well.
But all of a sudden there was a bump and a crash of crockery from the
galley as the submarine bumped into the harbour wall. The sailor had to
reach out and grasp a handle to stop himself falling over. The
smile on his face was no longer there as the truth dawned that he'd been
paying too much attention to the sonar equipment and hadn't kept an eye on
where he was on his chart. Since the pressure vessel seemed to be intact, he
rose to the surface in order to see better and carefully sail back to his
moorings. The craft was not too badly damaged, though looked unsightly - it
was the submariner's pride that was more 'damaged'!
Candy hatEd these days when she had to go to the laundeEette - she detested the smell of laundry detergents with their artificial perfumes. She took a deep breath, entered the premises and got her laundry going as quickly as she could before exiting, gasping for air. She did some browsing of the charity shops and headed back in time to take another deep breath and transfer her laundry to the drier. As she exited, the town crier was proclaiming the latest events including the pop-up market running that day. Candy headed there and got an avocado-based scotch 'egg' from the vegan frier stall. After retrieving her dried laundry (another deep breath), she headed back home. As therapy for her launderette encounter, she went to her potting shed and potted up a scion or two before heading into the house, switching on the telly and dozing off. She was awoken by a loud cheer on the TV as the upcoming high jump star cleared a record high pole.
My 9-year old granddaughter is unwell today. This is my version:
Louis-HEnri Dubois (See 984 DEVIL) had finished his game of boule and was looking for a snack lunch. But all the tempting looking foods offered for sale had at least one clove of garlic in, if not more. Unusually for a Frenchman, Louis-Henri couldn't stand garlic! Eventually he stumbled on a stall offering 'Oldie English Fare' where Louis-Henri could buy some ham, egg & chips. Back at the office, things were in pandemonium. This time it wasn't just dust and flecks of paint on the workstation keyboard, but a big lump of stonework. "How am I going to be able to work now", he groaned. "Oh don't worry", chirped Alain the office tech guy. "I can hook up this old IBM PC clone keyboard to your workstation. You'll be able to do most of what you'll need to do with it.
WeAstelTon was a wEasel and he was veRy emotional about small things. If he had to stare at a couple on their honeymoon, he would burst into tears. I'd call him "teary".
Weastelton has just spotted the honeymoon couple
This is my version:
The sensitive thoughtful Violet wAs enduring her 18Th birthday party that had bEen oRganised by her extrovert, convivial parents. She tucked herself away in a corner quite content to stare out of the window. But before long her father pulled her away, speaking rather sternly about joining in with the party set up especially for her at considerable expense. This rebuke was too much for her. Her eyes became all teary and she rushed off heading for the stairs. But Victor was well aware what Violet was going through and he was quick to intercept her. "Let's go outside and set the world to rights together", he said gently, holding her hand. For Violet the rest of the evening was much calmer, much to the frustration of her parents who couldn't understand their daughter.
Cinema was a guinea pig and her partner was called Blossom. They had just been bought from the pet shop and were settling in marvellously. Well at least Cinema was. Blossom however, fussed too much about her fur and her looks and about how much the hutch looked. She really was very peculiar, thought the sensible Cinema. Cinema loved her new home but missed her friends at the pet shop. Snowy, Midnight and Chipolata were always good fun to talk to but Blossom wasn't the kind that Cinema was looking for. They began to munch on their lunch and Blossom insisted in carefully cutting her food into neat slices. "You're being jolly noisy!" commented Blossom stiffly with her nose in the air. "Well, I can't help it if I'm eating normally", protested Cinema. She badly wanted to punch Blossom and knock some sense into her but she didn't dare. Cinema had a hunch that Blossom was preparing for something because 1. she is fussing about her looks even more 2. I caught her packing her comb and a bag of dandelion petals and 3. she keeps murmuring to herself "oh, they will be wonderful".
Cinema and Blossom
This is my version:
To describe something as 'noisy' can be misleading as it all depends on what degree of noisiness. For example, Grape Nuts could be considered a noisy cereal compared to Weetabix - when you munch on either you get a different amount of noise generated in your mouth. But if you go into a machine workshop where there is a mechanical punch at work you would be best advised to wear ear protection if you want to enjoy the sound of birdsong again! I have a hunch that the above information is somewhat superfluous and not particularly educational, but I'm afraid it's now been said!
Mr and Mrs Otter were just Leaving the cAmpsite to havE their brilliantly planned day. First, they were going to race across the glade, walk along the cliff path, and reach the beach where they were to have a wonderful picnic. Then get ice creams, not to mention, s'mores back at the campsite. So they set off, over the glade, along the cliff path and to the beach. Mr Otter almost tripped over a large pile of shale that was in the middle of the path. They finally found a good, sunny spot to have their picnic. They had a delicious picnic with a variety of different sandwiches, a fruit salad and a salad filled with freshly grown vegetables and to end, a vanilla ice cream each with a chocolate flake on top. By the time they arrived back at the campsite, their friends had the marshmallows and biscuits ready. Mr Otter helped light the first and when the time it was ready, they toasted the marshmallows while the flame of the fire flickered higher.
And to finish, toasted marshmallows
This is my version:
LAst yEar an explorer came to the region where there is now an industrial works. He was on the hunt for suitable shale deposits for his company. Having become weary, he sat down in a pleasant glade for a break. He put some more tobacco flake in his pipe and set it alight, tossing aside the lit match. He really ought not to have been surprised, but the ground started to burn very close to him and he jumped to his feet in alarm. There was quite a distinct smoky flame above a small hole in the ground. Excitedly the explorer realised he'd come across the oily shale deposit he'd been after and he hurried back to where he could telegraph the locations of his findings. Now the place is a hive of activity where shale gas is extracted and exported.
Hello! I'm a dog of A chEf who works in a dog friendly resTaurant. When he got home, my owner said "look at the state of this mess!" Ssh! I actually did the mess on purpose so he would clean it up. Then while he's tidying up, I can sneak into the kitchen and steal the steak!
Success - I've got my steak!
This is my version:
The next dAy, Connor made plans wiTh Mary (see 985 - IMAGE). ThEy went to NEXT for Mary to buy a fresh set of clothes and cosmetics etc whilst Connor sat in the café pondering what might be a good career to switch to in these changed times. Mary seemed to be in a bubble of her own as other customers steered a path around her and the security guard kept a beady eye on Mary's progress around the store. When she'd loaded her basket, Mary found Connor and they went to the checkout together; the security guard relaxed somewhat! Back at the house, Mary had a soothing bath and chose a new outfit for the evening. They went to a smart restaurant where Connor was a regular customer. To the waiter's surprise, Connor ordered the soup for his only item, whilst Mary had a Filet Mignon steak. (Neither had any alcohol to drink.) Mary had been enjoying this sudden change of circumstances, but began to wonder what Connor's intentions were towards her. This lengthy meal was a wonderful opportunity to discuss these things together. Connor explained that he'd been driven by doing his best to provide for himself no matter what happened to anyone else. His sudden change in circumstances had brought him up sharp and Mary and her distressed position had been the first thing he'd noticed. Mary was relieved and was able to relax in her new state, even if it was only for a brief period in her life.
Hi! I'm A faRm cat and I have all the space in the world compared to my cousin Terry, an urban house cat, and he has to share his neighbourhood with a border collie who lives next door, a bunch of street cats that live in an ally, and a shabby rat who lives in his shed. I however, can get fresh milk from the cows, and chase the mice around the yard, not to mention scare away the birds. But I do have one wish.... IF ONLY I COULD USE A SONAR TO TRACK DOWN THOSE MICE!!! INSTEAD, I'M LEFT WITH A NOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Phew! that was a long breath!)
Pouncing on a farm mouse
This is my version:
"HARry - you've lost leave of your senses!", cried Sally, "where do you think you are going to store that?" Harry had just acquired a 'bargain' yacht from a 'friend' who needed to get rid of it. "Oh, but it was a bargain!", exclaimed Harry. "It's so well equipped, what with the radio equipment, satellite navigation system and active sonar equipment." Harry planned to spend the next few weekends locating a suitable mooring for the yacht reasonably near to home, since Harry and Sally lived in a dense urban environment. But before they could move the yacht to any mooring, the armed police had raided their home and Harry had briefly been detained. It turned out that the yacht had been implicated in regular drug smuggling! Sally was so relieved when the yacht was towed away. Harry, now restored to his home without any criminal record, was quite chastised and feeling sorry for himself.
This is my 9-year-old Granddaughter's version. I need to apologise to her for me thinking that TORID was a word. She wrote her yarn before I realised my mistake:
Hi. I'm a caT and my owneR is forty and she works in a shop. Today is Sunday, her day off, and by the looks of it, it seems that she's in a real strop. She is in a bad mood because of the torid heat! It's been baking! I wish I didn't have this thick fur coat. Last night, I caught her up in the kitchen with a torch rummaging through the freezer looking for an ice pack.
Cat's owner looking for an ice pack
This is my version:
AT Fawlty ToweRs Basil was dealing with Andrei who was checking out on his way back to his home in Romania. Basil was clearly building up to having another strop. Andrei had written a scathing review of the hotel on TripAdvisor in which he had described just what a torid time he'd had there. "That's not how you spell torrid", nit-picked Basil. "Well it is how I spell it", retorted Andrei, "but I can amend that word to the English spelling if you like! Look, I don't expect to have to clean my teeth whilst holding a torch; I can add that to the review as well, if you like", went on Andrei, realising that was yet another issued he'd yet put in the review. Just then Manuel was passing - Basil gave him a clip round the ear and said "I told you to fix the lights in Andrei's bathroom", shouted Basil, trying to shift the blame. "¿Qué", was Manuel's response. "Right", that's complaint number forty going into my TripAdvisor review - 'The manager beats his staff';", said Andrei forcefully, "you can post your bill to my Romanian address and I don't expect it to be any more than half what this bill says here". With that Andrei was on his way leaving. "I'm off to boil my head - you deal with the customers", Basil said to Sybil.
The pArliamEnt of owls set off towards the giant oak to meet their leader. When they arrived, other owls were setting up the stage where the parliament would perform. They would all come and do their parts in their act and try to amaze the leader. The owl who was leading the act, Glimfeather, was to begin with a speech so he pulled out a script and began to read it aloud to the other owls.
"Thank you all owls for coming to watch our performance especially our faithful leader. Now I will....oh no no! This doesn't make sense...I need to amend this part!"
After much rehearsing, they were allowed to open their boxes and enjoy a happy lunch break. They all decided to eat outside by a tree in the shade. Then they saw a shape coming towards them. The leaders right hand owl, who had a suave character, jostled towards them holding a serious expression, as usual.
Glimfeather's tummy rumbled so loudly that it sounded like a quake! The right hand owl said that he just came to say don't spoil it and that if they did do well, they would receive a pile of gold each. Glimfeather could picture an image of the pile of gold beside him.
Pixie, who was tired from playing the violin and piano, decided to take a nap. By the time she awoke, it was clear that they needed to do a final rehearsal since they were all saying "come on!" or "hurry up! We need to squeeze in this last rehearsal!"
A Parliament of Owls
This is my version:
On thAt fatEful day, Connor, the suave business man, got fired without warning because of a severe downturn in the finance sector. He realised he would have to amend his ways. He handed his keys to his fancy flat back to the landlord before driving back to the car lease company to terminate the contract. On the way he paused in a layby under the shade of an impressive oak and went into a troubled sleep. He awoke with a start, gazing around at the surroundings. Before he remembered what had happened earlier, he found himself looking at the lovely surroundings away from the road. He got out of the car and gazed up at the oak tree, admiring its shape. Then reality struck like a quake - where was he going to live etc? Once he'd dropped off the car, he sat on the bench outside their offices and started taking stock of his condition. A homeless lady, Mary, sat next to him clearly wanting something from Connor. "It may amaze you to know that I too am homeless, though I do have some cash in the bank still", replied Connor. "Where is there somewhere near hear where you can rent a small place for 2 for a week?", he continued. Half an hour later they were enquiring at the front door of some shabby looking dwelling waiting for the owner to appear. The house owner was puzzled when the two asked for a week's accommodation. This was not the usual image of the homeless standing before him who he had to weigh up. But the sight of the 1 week rent in cash in Connor's hand disbursed his doubts and the keys to the flat were handed over. "Right", said Connor to Mary, "you have the bedroom and I'll sleep on the settee".
