On a LAzy summER afternoon, Bernice put on her sunscreen and shades against the glare of the sun and went to relax on her sun lounger. She was still wearing her pearl necklace as she dozed off. She was shaken out of her sleep by a tug around her neck to find the neighbour's near feral cat trying to pull off her necklace. Bernice fought it off, though sustained several nasty scratches from the untrimmed claws of the beast.
ChloE got into heR car intending to head off to work. But to her dismay she noticed that the windscreen wiper had a viper coiled around it! She loathed snakes, but had to get to work. So she had to get back out of the car and put on her motorcycling leathers and helmet. She pulled down the visor and by sheer determination approached the beast. As it turned out the viper was more afraid of Chloe than Chloe of it and it promptly fled into the neighbour's garden. Chloe was relieved, took off her motorcycling outfit and headed off to work in her car, arriving a little late. She told her boss the reason for her lateness. Her boss remarked "You have a super imagination to be able to invent a story like that". "But it's all true", protested Chloe and she produced a photo of the viper in evidence. "Oh, all right, now get to work and no great long breaks telling your story to your colleagues", cautioned her boss.
As the day progressed and the light faded, the noisy neighbourhood quietened down and only murmured voices could be heard. But all of a sudden an eerie wailing sound cut through the dusk air giving everyone a spook. Neighbours came out onto the street saying "did you hear that?", "that gave me a fright", "my heart is still pounding" and so on. No one knew where it came from but as they there wondering what, if anything, to do, the noise came again. This time it was easy to spot that it came from one of the garages. A few of the neighbours knocked on the garage door which was answered by Jake. "What are you doing, Jake?" was the request, "you gave us all a shock". At this point Jake's mother appeared dressed in an old paint-spattered smock and looking very fierce. "Leave him alone!", she commanded, "he's only trying to get this rusty old air raid warning siren to work again". No one said a word - Jake's mum had a reputation!
ThE amateur dramatics society were rehearsing their next play. But they were having trouble with the first scene. To begin with a bit of scenery proved inadequate for the job and collapsed upon first use. Then the timing of the entrance of the third actor on stage just could not be got right to the satisfaction of the director. Tempers became frayed and as the director attempted to chide the actor for, what seemed to the others like a perfect entrance, there was a throwing down of scripts and a stomping off stage by the other actors. They headed for the bar looking for something to calm the nerves, but the only thing that was on offer was pineapple juice. It took quite a while for the director to persuade the actors back on stage. This time it all went smoothly, though no one knew if it was because they acted better or because the director was less finickity.
There wAs a gang of boys every one of them a scamp. Their leader, Liam, was taken away by his parents for eighteen months whilst his Dad worked on a big construction project abroad. Whilst he was gone he appointed Sammy as the quasi leader. Sammy was awash with ideas of what they could do when they met up, but as they tried each one, it was clear they were impractical. Disquiet spread through the group and one by one each of the boys left the group. Poor Sammy was discouraged, but fortunately for him a teacher at school managed to spark in him an interest in botany.
Paul and his militaRy escort had gone into one of the three taverns hoping to meet his friends there but it was too crowded and noisy in there. So he went out into the forum of Appius. Since there were a lot of rough people there, Paul's guard didn't want to cause a scene and so he took him to a large porch where Paul could meet the believers who had come to meet him.
(Loosely based on Acts 28:15)
Eleanor was in animaTEd conveRsation with some customers. She was telling them that they had to have the store's App installed on their phones before they could buy anything from the shop. Her manager pulled her aside and had a had a stern word with her. "You were talking a load of tripe back there and putting customers off shopping with us. You need to get back to your forte which is stacking the shelves accurately and quickly." Eleanor was crest-fallen and was glad when her shift was over that day. Thinking about it in the evening however, she realised that her skills were appreciated and her gloom lifted.
This is my 10-year-old Granddaughter's version:
(This actually my dream last night!)
One day, I was teaching twenty cats in a bathroom. They were all clones of Moosey and Boo. But the real Moosey and Boo were just playing chess at the back of the room. It was very noisy and all the clones were purring and making their paws go the up and down like those china-cat-moving-thingies. By lunch time it was silent. All the cats stared at me while I got my lunch out and it was a bit creepy and awkward especially when they were looking at me eating my sandwich and cake and they all started to croon except the real Moosey and Boo who had brought sausage rolls and crisps.
Then I started at my pasta and the clones followed my fork and watched each prong of my fork pick up the creamy pasta and sweet corn. The clones started dribbling so I tossed them some apple slices and jelly babies but the real Moosey and Boo were opening some ham and sharing some sponge cake. Then they put on their sunglasses and ... of all the world!!! They took some of those fancy wine glasses out of their lunch bags and poured some wine out and placed a slice of lemon and a tiny umbrella in it!!!
This is my version:
The brass band was playing loud music in the bandstand. Leo covered his ears - "Mummy it's too noisy", he wailed. "They're just finishing and then Max Bygraves will be singing", replied his Mum. "Is he noisy too", said Leo, who was none the wiser. "Oh no, he will croon to us". Leo was still none the wiser! When Max and his band started, Leo pointed to one man who had a garden fork which he used a violin bow on one prong to make his music. "Oh how strange", said Leo's Mum.
This is my 10-year-old Granddaughter's version:
Leo was getting ready for Pippa's party. It was a fancy dress space party. He didn't actually a together a space costume, but his Mum had put together a costume out of random bits and bobs from around the house. He was planning to be space cadet. Leo's mum had made a suit out of old cricket pads for the legs, wellie boots for his shoes, a cardboard box with holes for the arms and head and legs, and mom had drawn some buttons on it too. Leo was was wearing his white jumper underneath and his goalie gloves. And finally his mum placed a plastic see-through on his head and his old rucksack on his back. "Mum, there there's a hole in the cardboard", Leo pointed out. "Not everything is perfect!" His mom sighed as she taped the hole shut. Then she drove Leo to Pippa's house where a birthday banner was already on the door. So, armed with a present and card, Leo knocked on the door. Pippa's mom opened it and said gently, "Hello Leo, Hello Mary!," she said, "right this way, Pippa is playing with Milo and Lily. Leo's mum left and they played some party games then watched a movie about this amazing man who tamed a tiger and has a pet goose. After that they ATE a delicious lunch and had a space themed cake to follow before opening presents and cards.
This is my version:
It wAs The time of yEar for the Saltash Cardboard Boat Race. Constructors had been busy with their cardboard tubes, cardboard boxes from big items like TVs etc, which had all been taped together with gaffer tape. All sorts of fancy dress had been created to accompany the theme of the craft. Someone looked like a tamed savage whilst another looked like a naval cadet. It was time for the race. All sorts of mayhem ensued but there was an overall winner. There were also prizes for the most spectacular sinking, best fancy dress and so on.
ThE meal was in full swing. They were getting on so well with their new neighbours. But then there was an odd noise from the ceiling; they looked up and were horrified to see that the ceiling was on the point of collapse. They escaped into the hallway just in time before all the plasterboard fell down destroying their dinner and making a lot of mess. When the plumber came she investigated and discovered a seepy joint in the plumbing. A speck of dust must have got into the push-fit joint leaving the water to slowly seep out and soften the dining room ceiling. Eight months later they had the neighbours round for a meal. Everyone inspected the ceiling most carefully before sitting down at the table!
PAris looked aT her husband Carlos. "You look tons better without that goaty on your chin - thank you for shaving it off. I never let on, but it always stank of stale chip fat whenever I gave you a kiss". Carlos was shocked. He went back to the bathroom and rummaged around in the bin looking for his disposable razor. He carefully picked up the shaft of his razor and smelled all round it carefully. There was indeed the smell of chip fat!
Thomas usEd to love the seRvices each morning in the monastery. But he had changed and now they seemed all nonsense to him. He would frequently find something to laugh at and putting on a pious expression was now impossible. With mutual agreement he and the abbot parted company. As they parted company, the abbot had a streaming cold and fever so the hanky had nothing to do with him being a cryer over losing one of the community but all to do with him wanting to return to bed. Thomas settled in a pleasant town and took a job as a dryer of dishes at a restaurant. He loved his change of lifestyle and would often refer back to his previous existence as tedium nonsense in the extreme.
KylE sat alone in the dineR. It was the same every day. His drone occupied the rest of the table and the tune escaping from his headphones seemed like the same reedy tune every day. His eyes were glued to his games console and some of his food invariably escaped onto his shirt. The staff were used to him, so when any new visitors to the establishment asked about what Kyle might be up to they would reply "Oh he's just a harmless nerdy kid with no interests outside his techy world".
Aaron went To his new dEntist, Jackson, to have his teeth examined. To his dismay he realised that the dentist was his sworn enemy whilst at school. Jackson greeted Aaron with the remark "I remember well the last time you smote me at school. I had to miss the prize giving because of having my wounds attended to. You were full of spite towards me in those days." Aaron was quite fearful now, given that Jackson would be doing things in his mouth and had sharp needles. pliers and the like to hand. As it was the procedure was without pain and it seemed that the past hatred had been buried and forgotten now.
Poor Barry was hEading to his first treatment at the hospital. As he approached the department there was a lot of noise from a side room. Many of the the medical staff were celebrating meeting a key milestone during their lunch break. To Barry this seemed so dis-spiriting as he faced up to his first chemo session. As it happened the chemotherapy department had just started employing a comedian in the waiting room to see if that would act as a decoy for those patients like Barry whose spirits were low. Barry was not impressed at first, but before long he was laughing with the rest of the patients. He was in a much better mood when his name was called out for the treatment.
Esme was sitting outside the pub awaiting her amour. It was a lovely calm, warm evening with birds singing and the trickle of the nearby brook enhancing the romance of the evening. But just then a low-level military jet roared past creating a sonic boom. Some diners moaned, others cocked a snook at the aircraft and Esme found herself crouching under the table. As she got up her hand felt her hair and, to her dismay, realised she still had her snood on. Whilst still under the table, she quickly took it off then headed to the ladies to tidy up her hair. She got back to her table just as her amour pulled into the car park. There was just time to pick up the spoon she'd knocked off the table when the jet went by before he arrived, picked her up and gave her a passionate hug and kiss causing her to swoon in his arms.
"What is that you'rE watching", said Mum to her young son, "it's awful quality and the alien looks really weird with its multiple chins, yet you can see that it's just a man dressed up since it's a biped." "Oh, it's been taken from an old video my schoolfriend has", replied her son "It's a comedy and is really funny".
Angus frequenTly Enjoyed eating a 12 ounce steak for his evening meal. He loved the meaty texture and felt that it was doing him good. But now that he could no longer see his shoes when standing upright, he started to have his doubts. He did a lot of research and decided that a vegan diet would be better for him. His weight dropped steadily and he felt a lot healthier. At every opportunity he would try to teach others of the benefits of a vegan diet. He even decided to run for governor of his district with a pledge to enact a statute to force steak off the restaurant menus. Seeing as his district was in Texas, he didn't get very far in his bid to become governor.
The young Mum was taking her children home after their trip to the park, walking beside the noisy road. The older child was a bit wimpy and clingy, especially when a big HGV passed by. Her other kiddy in the push chair had just done a biggy in its nappy. Some thoughtless teenagers remarked loudly how piggy the place smelled as the Mum and kids passed them. The hippy standing next to the teenagers was furious at their comment and chided them that when they were young they too smelled like that. A bit further on there was a big billboard showing the decline in the economy under the government. "What's that mummy", said the older child. "Oh, that's what they call a graph used to illustrate something. You'll learn about those when you start school", replied Mum. When they got home, the next-door neighbour was trying to prise open a well-sealed box in his front garden. "You need to use a jimmy to do that", said Mum as she went into their home. She got a fizzy drink out of the fridge for the older child then went to change the nappy. "I'm hungry", whined the older child before she'd finished with the nappy. "Ok", she said calmly, "I'll get you dinner in a jiffy."
Evelyn led the ArchaEological dig in the area where new housing was being developed. She had fought long and hard and had saved this area of ground from being dug up for house foundations. This paved the way for the urgent dig that was going on now. She had waved her right to start her university course for a year in order to do this task. Her boyfriend thought she was nuts and their relationship had caved in, leaving Evelyn free to get on with what she felt was important. In order to continue she needed to find a way to be waged and she found a job serving in a nearby pub. As the work progressed and nothing of import had been found yet, her hopes had almost faded when, to her delight, she uncovered a tiny area of Ancient Roman mosaic. At last! - she could imagine this find being one of the famed discoveries of the decade. She was glad she had stuck to her guns and not been fazed by the obstacles and losses on the way. The experts were called in to see what she had unearthed and they were amazed. The whole area was immediately caged off to prevent disturbance whilst they thought of an appropriate way to record and preserve this find. The local TV channel heard of the find and sent a reporter and camera crew to make a cameo piece on Evelyn, her work and her find.
MATthew was looking forward to his Cornish Pasty, but once he'd taken a bite, there was a taint to it that put him off - it went straight in the bin. That taint lingered and came to haunt him every time he passed a bakers selling Cornish Pasties. "I'm not going to let that daunt me - I'm determined to deter people of Cornwall from eating this lousy food", he said to his mates. He packed in his job and went off on a jaunt all round Cornwall to vaunt the benefits of not eating Cornish Pasties. You can judge for yourself whether this was a wise thing to do in the County of Cornwall and, indeed, Matthew had little welcome on his travels. He returned home looking very gaunt. "You need feeding up", said his Mum, "eat some humble pie and scoff these two Cornish Pasties for starters". You couldn't see the Pasties for dust - Matthew was cured!
It had been a busy day for Kieran and he was glad to park his LAndrovER on the street and head in to dinner with Ella. Not much was said at dinner as they both checked their social media feeds. Once he'd finished, Kieran sat down on the settee, whilst Ella washed up. He was just starting to relax when the glare of the flood lights from the nearby football ground lit up the room. "Uh, I've got to get up again and pull the curtains", he thought to himself as he reluctantly pushed himself out of the chair. As he did so, his eyes alighted on something shiny. He picked it up and looked carefully in the powerful light. "How did this pearl get here", he said. "Do you own any pearls?" he called out to Ella. "No I don't; you should know since you never buy me any!", she called from the kitchen. "It must have been that feral cat of yours brought it in", she continued. "It's not feral!", groaned Kieran (they'd had this bit of conversation before!). Just then the blare of the football fans' horns sounded outside as they headed for the match. This drowned out further conversation and Kieran was able to relax / sulk at last!
Angus Ethelred stepped out of his sedan and spake kindly to the man tending his garden. In exchange for a gold sovereign, Angus gained a tulip scape from the man's garden. Fed through his buttonhole, this made Angus even more suave than he already looked, as he stepped back into his car. "Who was that?", said the man's wife as she came out of the house. "Oh, just someone with money, charm and a lousy sense of beauty - that car of his had such an ugly shape", the man replied.
There wAs great consternation at the theological training college. The convocation bell had been made to sound. The trainee on chef duty was just about to slit the throat of the last capon destined for tonight's dinner but the bell spared the creature for a few moments more of its life. At the convocation the trainees learned of the theft or removal of the most important book in the library. The chef and a few others were sent back to their duties, but the bulk of the students and tutors were dispatched in different directions to search for the precious document. Gary, who'd not long been at the college, set off to somewhere he hadn't explored yet. He found himself following a trail between two steep cliffs and was intrigued to know where it would lead. But then disappointment - there was another cliff blocking the way forward. He carefully checked all around the cajon looking for a way through, but all he could do was to turn round and head back. By now it was getting darker in this enclosed space, so he switched on his phone torch to aid his return. Just as he did so the torch reflected off something shining gold. He investigated and, to his delight, retrieved the precious canon of the law with its gold binding. Gary hurried back to the college where there were great celebrations that night.
Two children were walking through a dense wood chatting about this and that. In the wood lived a harmless, yet weird, old man. On this occasion his mischievousness prompted him to wait till the children were quite near, then make all sorts of noisy sounds with the intention to spook them. It certainly worked and the poor children ran as fast as they could in the direction of the brightest light. This brought them out into the open by the banks of a river where a road crossed it by means of a ferry. It was not very busy and the ferryman was sitting there playing a puzzle on his phone. The children asked him how to get back home to which he replied with a sour face "My job is to scows the vehicles back and forth, back and forth, from dawn to dusk; it's not to direct lost children." The poor children looked crest-fallen whereupon the ferryman grinned "I'm sorry to tease you. I can certainly help you. Any moment farmer Ted will be along with his tractor. He's going your way and I'm sure he'll give you a ride up in his tractor cab". Sure enough farmer Ted came along and the children climbed up into the cab. As farmer Ted drove along he remarked. "From up here I shows you all sorts of things you wouldn't know from down low in your cars." He pointed out the fields he managed, where the cows drank from and all sorts of other things. As he dropped them near their homes he said "Now when you grow up, don't you scoff at us farmers - ours is a hard, difficult job and if it wasn't for us you'd have little to eat."
"I don't think I want to go theRe again", said Great-Granna as they drove away from the Glastonbury Festival, "it was so noisy and such a crush". "I enjoyed the afternoon", said Lucas as he sped away in his Tesla to take Great-Granna home.
AT thE dentist the drill made a lot of noise as two of Charlie's teeth were worked on. One was merely a minor filling, but the one with the gold crown had to be extracted. When the gold crown popped off it fell on the floor. The dentist's assistant was about to reach down and pick it up when a mouse shot out from under a cupboard, grabbed the gold and disappeared again. The assistant shrieked and jumped back, narrowly avoiding colliding with the dentist. "Theft, theft", she shouted, "How are we going to get that back?" The dentist was embarrassed and shocked that his sterile surgery should have mice in it. Charlie said "Wha haa hou aa". The dentist had to cancel the rest of his appointments that day and call in Chris the handyman to banish the mice, retrieve the gold crown and reinstate his surgery room. "Well, that's a debut for me: mouse catcher, gold-digger and surgery rescuer in one day", said Chris. The only good thing that day was that Charlie had no bill to pay!
The young man came into the house which was quite
noisy because, as he walked into the room from
whence the noise came, he saw his Father...
“You are old, father William,” the young man said,
“And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head–
Do you think, at your age, it is right?”
“In my youth,” father William replied to his son,
“I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.”
“You are old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly thick;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door–
Pray what is the reason o' flick?”
“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
“I kept each thigh and arm supple
By the use of this ointment–one shilling the box–
Allow me to sell you a couple?”
LArry was engrossed in his addictive computer game. The game presented him with many tasks to accomplish and Larry had lost all but one of his lives on this go. But to his amazement, this time he had seen the fiery dragon slain in the final scene. He glanced at his watched and gasped. He went back to his real task for the afternoon which was to compete the inlay work on the ornate furniture. He got home late that night!
RyAn drEw up to the office in his new Dodge sedan. He was excited to get back to work as an astrobiologist, postulating what sort of lifeforms might exist in a Formamide-based planet. (To make it clearer, Formamide is the simplest amide that exists - CH3NO.) Before the day was out he had imagined three more new life forms, giving them suitable names and life cycles. He was going to become famous and earn pots of money because of this work. He went back to his abode feeling pleased with himself. But over the next month things changed for Ryan. He started to realise that the nature of his work clashed with his beliefs in a creator God. He'd realised that the old adage "If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't true" applied to his work and his bosses expectations of him. He handed back the keys to his new car and handed in his notice and went off to Bible college to train to be a minister.
After William finished his education and was thinking what to do for a vocation, he had become disillusioned with all the competing disciplines and uncertain outcomes. He got quite interested in becoming a pious monk for a short while. That is, until he discovered about the early cold starts to the day, the endless walking and strict routines. Poor William was a bit of a chump without a clue. He had a lingering meal with a close buddy from school and poured out his woes. His friend suggested he trained as a journalist since he could be relied on to see through the smoke-screens politicians used to avoid the subject. This turned out to be excellent advice and before long he was in great demand.
