Older Yarns (76)

388 - NIGHT

This was the boring part of being a sleuth. Keeping a look out for him to make a move. He took out a cigarette but the flint had fallen out of his lighter. He cursed. It was the middle of the night.

389 - BLAND

The bandy-legged handy man was licking his candy. He threw it away because it was too bland.

390 - LIVER

Albert was a hiker and DIY enthusiast. He would often be found in his garage with the resin and fixer sticking things back together again. His neighbour was a piper. They went for a walk by the river, then had bacon and liver for lunch together.

391 - WEDGE

She was looking for it all around. Was it under the hedge? No! Was it up on the ledge? No! Then her foot knocked into it. At last she'd found the wedge!

392 - ROOMY

The floor was no place for him. He set off into the Rocky Mountains and found a cabin to sleep in. He was surprised at how roomy it was inside.

393 - WACKY

I was aware I was in the town plaza, but hemmed in. The champ was on his way but I needed to get this clamp off to get a better view. When he arrived I was surprised at how gawky he was. And then I came to - what a wacky dream that had been!

394 - FLOCK

In the distance we saw this huge contraption with powerful jaws that would chomp on anything on 4 legs. But it was surprising how easy it was to disable it using a chock or two in its path. It was just in time, mind you, before it reached the flock of sheep.

396 - TRIKE

The tiger came out of the jungle. This one was the one the tribe feared since it had acquired a taste for humans. The 12-year-old boy took his spear and skilfully killed it. Everyone was congratulating him, but he thought it was a trite thing to do. After his evening meal of tripe and onions, he got on his trike to enjoy himself.

397 - APHID

Bertie was working in the garden when an aphid landed on his arm. He went to the shed and got out the insect spray.

398 - TRYST

So as to not arouse suspicions, at the party Fiona and Archie used a carefully planned system of touching objects in the room to plan their tryst to be able to meet up after what seemed like ages.

399 - MIDGE

Angelina said to her Dad: 'Why do you never see just one midge. You only see lots of midges'. Dad was stumped by this question!

400 - POWER

Zac was a roper by trade but considered himself a bit of a mover. He would hover by the night club door looking the part. His lover, Irene, however, was very shy and would mostly cower in the corner if she could. “Come on”, said Zac, “let's go down to a lower floor where there's a gym.” That's where they both put in some power lifting, hoping this would help Irene's shyness.

401 - ELOPE

Jake and Hermione had agreed to meet deep in the combe so they could get down to the sea at night and into a small boat to elope together. They lived happily ever after!

402 - CINCH

The bird cage had produced quite a mess on the carpet. She got out her vacuum cleaner but then realised it was on the blink. So she called for her husband to fix it - he was very nippy and had it working in no time. She spoke to her finch in the cage telling it not to be so messy. Then she remembered to thank her husband. “It was a cinch” he said in a dismissive manner.

403 - MOTTO

At the end of their dreary work week, with their wage packets in their jeans pockets, Alison, Betty and Charlene chatted away as they went through the city centre. “Ooh, let's go in the gaming hall and play lotto”, said Betty. Later, with a lot less in their wage packets, they made a pact together with the motto “no gambling on wages day”.

404 - STOMP

She was horrified to see a grey hair. She asked her husband to pluck it out. But having done that he let go of it; he decided to stoop down to get it. But before he got there, there was this loud stomp as his wife trapped it under her shoe.

405 - UPSET

Karl caused quite an upset when he upset the red wine all over the upholstery [almost!].

406 - BLUFF

Albert was delighted to be reunited with his toy chest after all this time. He plucked the first thing he saw out of it, but it was falling apart: he chucked it away. He reached his hand in to plumb the depths and pulled out an O-gauge loco. “Chuff, chuff”, he said, as he pretended to play with it. After he'd done sorting out the rubbish from the treasured, he looked around to make sure no one was looking before throwing the rubbish over the local bluff.

407 - CRAMP

Buzz had a certain charm about him. Lizzy was excited to have a ride with him. But when they got to his vehicle, they found the wheel in a parking clamp. Without concern he paid the fine and the Hummer was released. Clambering up into this huge beast gave Lizzy cramp, which put a damper on the excitement.

409 - COYLY

The flock seemed to look at the clock, but they definitely blocked the way as they chomped the grasses growing in the middle of the road. Off to one side, in the barn, there was this quiet gloop, gloop sound as the secretive production of hooch proceeded. Annette coyly approached the sheep, but they were more coy than her and they moved on out of the way.

410 - YOUTH

Lloyd was building a shed but he gave his head a clout on the beams. Debs came out to bring him a drink; it was comforting to his mouth. Lloyd reached out to touch his head, but there was no blood - he is obviously a tough guy not least because of his youth.

411 - RHYME

The actor pulled the lever

He twigged he had a fever

Beans in pyrex

Lunch for his Rex

To rhyme this would be clever

412 - BUGGY

Gertrude decided to mulch the window boxes, but this made the room quite fuggy and Bibby started crying. Gertrude put Bibby in the buggy to go out for a walk. At the aquarium they saw a guppy and lots of other fish.

414 - SMEAR

Albert found himself in front of the magistrate having to swear an oath. He was passed a card which had a smear of what looked like blood on it. 'You are charged with using a spear to threaten Betty - how do you plead' boomed the magistrate’s voice. And there the episode finished!

415 - UNFIT

Fred Flintstone was getting unfit and the others could easily unwit him, especially where it was unlit. He made sure he always had his flint knife with him for protection whilst he concentrated on tackling being unfit.

416 - PATTY

In the bakery there was a batch of food being made. Kim slipped up the latch to creep in and watch the process. The baker lifted the hatch to the big oven and slid in the tray of freshly made items. Although Kim was a bit of a fatty and many thought her to be batty, she was a lovely soul. The baker threw her something to catch before she left to go home for lunch. She enjoyed eating her fresh patty.

417 - CLING

Whizzie was always dressed in modest, boring clothes. But she had had enough of that and bought a whole new wardrobe. Her dress sense was not yet honed and she looked rather bling. She decided to fling her old clothes out of the window but her mother was disturbed by this sudden change and picked up the clothes, clinging to them.

418 - GLEAN

Ruth, the outsider, went to glean wheat and barley in Boaz's field. Because she did so well, thanks to Boaz taking an interest in her, Ruth's mother, Naomi, told Ruth to clean herself and lie down at the feet of Boaz as he slept. This was a sign to Boaz to become Ruth's husband. Their first son was the grandfather of King David, the ancestor of Jesus.

419 - LABEL

Jilly would happily weave away in her house all day long. But one day there was a blaze and she only just got out unscathed. After that she became very cagey about being inside and when anyone talked to her about rebuilding the house, she would glaze over. They had to put a label on the house saying 'keep out - private property'.

420 - HUNKY

Roger would munch his way, through 3 Mars bars before lunch. He had a hunch that he was eating too much and went to the gym daily where he developed quite a punch with his bunch of fives. He was an impressive hunky bloke that no one messed with!

421 - KHAKI

Othello was a dashing looking fella. He picked a lilac to take to Desdemona. As he stood beneath her balcony, he looked just the part, dressed in khaki.

422 - POKER

Alfred was a roper by trade but his take on life was as a no-hoper. His work-mates saw him as a moper. His attitude had rubbed off on his wife who was a dreadful dozer. Alfred had one interest in life as an amateur radio enthusiast - you could often hear him saying 'roger and out' from his ham shed. Antonio was a joker and a bit of a bully. Whenever Antonio was around, Alfred would cower in the corner until one day when he'd had enough. He stood up to him and the situation looked tense. Tilly's video of what happened went viral as Alfred picked up a poker and clouted Antonio with it. After that Antonio had more respect for Alfred and they became friends with Alfred becoming more self-confident thanks to Antonio's encouragement.

423 - GRUEL

There once was an upper class Wordler

Who by line two had three letters UER

He thought it cruel

To feed kids gruel

So he fed them wraps from his cooler

424 - TWICE

Ethan White twice jumped off the pier into the Tamar. But that wasn't enough so he kept going till sunset.

425 - TWANG

There was an ANT that liked to chant as it carried bits of plant back to the nest. One day the queen ant said “fetch me an elastic band”. “Natch “, the ant replied. He went up to the magpie and asked ever so nicely if he could have the elastic band the magpie was playing with. “Thank you”, said the ant as the magpie dropped it and flew off. But on his way back the band caught on a twig and twang it went catapulting the poor ant back to where he started. He had to do it all over again!

426 - SHRUG

“Can you give me a story today?” he asked his friend. “SURe”, said his friend. But his friend merely did a shrug of his shoulders and walked off!

427 - TREAT

Going on a steam train ride was a great treat for Phoebe and Lucas.

428 - WASTE

Kim's friends at school were prone to tease her. They would paste stickers on her back and pretend her home baking would taste horrid. After school she would run home in great haste to the safety of her home and particularly the kitchen. The distraction of taking the chicken out of the oven to baste it was a good stress reliever. After that she would head to the bathroom and bathe for a while before letting the water go down the waste. This phase at school didn't last and she found herself being very popular especially when food was needed since she was a very good cook.

429 - MERIT

Florence Nightingale had a remit to establish good nursing during the Crimean war. Her skills and results were so exceptional that she was posthumously awarded the rare honorary Order of Merit.

430 - WOVEN

A felon took a melon from the witches as they met in their coven. He then stole a woven blanket from the rich man's house. Police are searching for a sweet-toothed shiverer.

431 - NEEDY

Tilly came home from work and made a blend of apple, strawberry, banana, avocado and yoghurt in her blender. This greatly refreshed her and she set about seeing to her horse, Freda. Although Freda was a bit sheep-kneed, she was an excellent steed. After that Tilly loaded her rucksack with bread rolls and cheese she'd bought in the reduced section of her local supermarket and headed for the town centre. She didn't want to see anyone needy so she would offer them a cheese bun which many were glad to have.

432 - CLOWN

It is a popular urban legend that nylon is so-called because it's the combination of the abbreviations for New York and London. I wonder how many pairs of nylons have flown between New York and London since they were first sold in 1938 in Delaware. Most of nylon production was switched to making parachutes during WW2; as paratroopers jumped their parachute canopies were blown open allowing them to land safely. (Do you think I should have used a colon there instead of a semi-colon?) The clown made everyone laugh making a right old mess of putting nylons on.

433 - IRONY

Mable still drove her ancient Morris Minor around town and beyond. It was a bit of an irony when she drove it to environmental protests considering all the pollution her car generated in its lifetime!

434 - RUDER

There were two comedians, A & B. B always came onto stage in muddy boots. A's jokes were ruder than B. B's audiences were bigger.

435 - GAUZE

If you need to buy some Value Sterile Gauze Swabs you can buy them online from medisupplies.co.uk.

436 - CHIEF

Joseph was a bright lad and his teachers would impel him to stretch himself and learn more subjects. "What about learning Hebrew?", one of them said. So Joseph started learning the Hebrew alphabet: Alef, Bet, Gimel, Dalet, He,…. Surprisingly, Joseph loved hot spicy foods and would often put a pickled chile on his bread and butter. After lunch the clock would chime 1pm and Joseph would head outside to enjoy himself with his chief activity - rock climbing. He longed to go for a hike in Norway!

437 - ONSET

The music student became aware of the different tones in music and later learnt the different notes for annotation. He felt he was at the onset of fame and fortune but it was early days to know about that!

438 - PRIZE

Mario's next door neighbour took a bribe from Antonio so that Antonio could win the bumper prize in the weekend monster bingo. But Antonio should not have used a cheque to pay his neighbour - he was found out and punished.

439 - FUNGI

Hilde liked Helmut and thought he was a fun guy [get it?] to hang out with. But when Helmut suggested they went foraging in the forest for fungi for dinner she backed off. She feared getting poisoned.

440 - CHARM

M was a new member of the aristocracy largely due to his great wealth. He needed a coat of arms and employed a well-known heraldic expert to design him one. He started with a barry background of purple and cream and added various other symbolic items to it. M was proud to carry a shield emblazoned with the new heraldry along with his sword that he hoped to parry off any attacks against him with. But M needn't have worried as his charm won everyone over to him.

441 - GULLY

Humph, said Billy, as he pushed aside his porridge. Later that morning he fed it to his jumpy horse who was not the least concerned about the lumpy food. Billy checked the post which included some important legal papers which were mostly bumph. Billy was a bit of a bully. He ordered his gardener to stop what he was doing and mulch the flower beds straight away. Billy wasn't very attractive with his bulgy eyes. The gardener couldn't stifle a little laugh when Billy, in a foul mood, didn't look where he was going and fell into the gully.

442 - INTER

Gunter wondered if nitre (niter) was inert. His experiments lasted 2 weeks. After that his family set about plans to inter his remains in the family vault.

443 - WHOOP

“O”, she exclaimed, when she saw the triple whopper burger on the menu. Her Dad obliged her with her craving, but wondered if his daughter was going loopy, expecting to finish that (she had been raised to always clear her plate). Chomp, chomp, chomp she went. To Dad's amazement she finished every last bit. The whole restaurant turned towards them as they yelled out a great whoop of success.

444 - TAUNT

Zeb's AUNT arrived on line 2 at the rail station [get it?]. Had she come to haunt him, or was it just a harmless jaunt? The last time he'd seen her she was very gaunt but as he met her he noticed that that had all changed and she was now, well, you could almost say, jutty! The look on her face though made Zeb realise she had come to taunt him on all his past failures and weaknesses. This was going to be a gruelling fortnight! Oh, how he wished Roald Dahl's Matilda was on his side😊.

445 - LEERY

Lucas was carefully arranging all his red Lego pieces in a complex pattern. There was a strange noise outside and, unfortunately, when Lucas jumped up to see what it was, all the pieces got scattered on the floor and inside other things. "Where has every piece gone" said Lloyd. The noise turned out to be the police arresting a leery man, so Lloyd quickly distracted Lucas by getting back to repairing the mantelpiece clock. Lucas was making fine progress with that!

446 - CLASS

AS the train approached on line 2, there was bassy music playing. Alice was looking around at the very washy coloured walls of the waiting room at the seaside station. Her ex-schoolgirl friend, Kate, got off the train. Alice observed that Kate was waspy waisted and she was clutching a handful of brochures for casas she hoped she would entice Alice to buy. There was a strong clash of thinking on this eventually leading Alice to reach across the table to clasp the brochures and throw them away so that they fell into the sea. It was clear that they had changed since being in the same class.

447 - THEME

Terry Entwistle owned a fleet of electric delivery vans with which he delivered false teeth over three counties. The vans' decoration theme was a smiling shark showing its pristine teeth.

448 - LOFTY

By line TwO he was ready to solve Wordle but he then made a botch of the process. To relieve his frustration he went out for a game of footy, but even that was a frustration as Lloyd the goalie was so lofty which made it hard to score any goals!

449 - TIBIA

AT 2 she decided to plait her hair. But she shouldn't have been walking around the platform as she did it - she didn't notice the platform edge and fell off, breaking her tibia. She regretted her choices that day for a good long time!

450 - BOOZE

OdE to a chimpanzee: Do you like it in your cage, or do you want to elope with me? I doubt it would be a good idea as you might finish up trying to choke me. And I dread to think what would happen if you hit the booze. On further consideration it’s best you stay where you are methinks.

451 - ALPHA

Starting with A:

Jules was bored with life. To allay his boredom he bought a Porsche car costing 100s of 1000s of £. But alas and alack he drove it into a wall on his way from the car showroom. But Jules didn't seem to have learnt anything from this and the following week saw him driving a brand new Alpha Romeo. He did, however, miss the wall this time.

452 - THYME

ThE short story:

The hungry diner had an empty soup bowl. He wasn't very polite and shouted out 'fetch me more soup.' The polite waitress responded 'can I tempt you with some thyme flavouring in your soup sir?'

454 - PARER

ARE you ready? Oh yes, you're all green. Oh what a caper - a rarer carer who's a bit of a gamer you'd be hard pressed to find. She needed a pager as she'd often be at the betting shop having a wager. Her partner was a paver by trade but who's hobbies included being behind the sound desk fiddling with one fader after another. To her shame her pater had been a faker of official documents. One of his tools was needed to crimp the paper which she'd inherited when her pater went to the grave. Her mater had been a pacer for a surveyor. After work she'd go home and get out her favourite parer to prepare mashed potatoes for dinner for themselves.

455 - CHUTE

The paratrooper checked the chino fabric of his clothing, tightened the chest straps of his chute and jumped into the night sky.

456 - STICK

Dad to Son – “Now that's a wasp which can give you an unpleasant sting.” Son to Dad – “I don't want to be stung.” Dad deftly moves his foot and - stomp - the poor creature is no more. Now they could proceed to lay out the chess pieces finishing with the kings. The game got stuck (ie a draw) so Dad & Son chased each other around the garden waving a stick at each other.

457 - TRICE

TERry liked to be on trend but couldn't always afford it. He crept into the shoe shop and in a trice he was out again with a new pair of trainers. It was later on that the staff noticed the theft.

458 - ALIKE

ALE was his favourite drink. He would sip it as he applied decal after decal to his model aircraft. One of the aircraft had the aleph Hebrew letter on it. He was having a whale of a time even though he was all alone. Because he stayed in so much, some folk wandered if he was still alive or not. But one day he did go out to have coffee with his twin brother; ‘oh how alike they are’ folk commented.

459 - RECAP

To recap on the story - well there isn't a story to tell really!

460 - SAINT

[By line 2 I had 3 letters in the correct places and one elsewhere.]

The spiff was feeling faint from the paint fumes. He didn't dare associate himself with his brother in case it would taint his image. His brother could readily be described as a saint.

461 – GLORY

LORna was making snide comments to her friends. “Very droll”, said Vera. But then their silly conversations ceased as Albert limped in covered in loads of military medals - he was revered in the town because of the glory his exploits had brought him.

462 – GRATE

A  TERrapin had a great idea to treat itself to a little fish suspended in water. Unfortunately the fish was on the end of a fishing line and the terrapin finished up in a crate. This made it very irate. The fisherman couldn't care less and sat there preparing his lunch of bread and butter onto which he set about to grate some cheese.

463 – ADMIT

ATIlla had a name that wasn't readily associated with his rather staid way of life. Every weekday he went off to work upon yet another audit. One day he woke up and had to admit to himself that his life was dull so he chucked in his job and went backpacking around the world.

464 – BRISK

Roger was finding it difficult to find any birch seeds so he set off at a brisk pace to walk back home.

465 – SOGGY

On my birthday Esther and I had a lovely trip out to near Lostwithiel. As it was raining when we returned I watched a spoof version of the horror movie “The Birds” in which humans had to run from birds that would swoop on them. It seemed like the thing to do on a soggy afternoon. [Only part of the story is true - you're invited to say which parts are!]

466 – USURP

SiR Lancelot went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He then put on his spurs and went out to usurp his enemy's territory.

467 – SCALD

AL put the black kettle on the open fire. When it boiled he took it off to make some tea but splashed some water on his arm. "Ow", he yelled, “that’s a nasty scald”. Fortunately he was only glamping and he could get it treated straight away.

468 – SCORN

RON liked the croon style of singing even though his work mates would scorn him for it.

469 – LEAVE

He was looking at the full pint of ALE in his glass when he noticed it was rather leaky. He was just getting up to go and complain when his dog's leash yanked him off balance as his dog greeted another one. His glass smashed on the floor and, as he steadied himself, he spilt some of the other customers' drinks. He felt his embarrassment intensely and decided it was time to leave.

470 – TWINE

“I believe that this is ThINE”, Ian said to Kylie, handing her a vase. “Oh no, I'm afraid not”, said Kylie, “mine has a piece of twine round the neck.”

471 - STING

AusTIN had a go at cooking for the first time but made quite a stink in the kitchen. The trouble was that this attracted loads of wasps and it was inevitable that he would get a sting.

472 - BOUGH

“HOw do you make dough?” asked Kris. “Flour, sugar, salt, yeast, oil and wait. Eventually you get a mixture that's tough to pull apart. Pop it in the oven and come and join me sitting on the bough in the garden.” replied Jessica with a knowing smile.

473 - MARSH

Lloyd said to his Lucas : “ARe you able to carry this foil?” “Oo yes I can” said Lucas. “Let's go to the gym and I'll teach you to parry with it” said Lloyd. Debra said “Are you not being a bit harsh on him?” Instead the family went to play in the woods where they found an area that was a marsh. Phoebe set about drawing pictures of all the insects they found there.

474 - SLOTH

Harry was the surprise inheritor of a grand country house which he feLT he didn't deserve. “Surely someone else should have had this even if only for all their toils that went into keeping it going. And what are those strange slots in the walls high up?” he asked the agent. “Oh those were for an extra floor which rotted and had to be removed.” replied the agent. It was all so much to take in so Harry took out a stool and sat down looking around. “What's that weird stuffed animal on the wall?” he exclaimed. “I believe that is a sloth sir.” replied the agent. Harry resolved at that moment to join the Sloth Protection League!

475 - DANDY

“That's A mashy mix you have there” exclaimed Sonja to Izabella. “I'm making fish pie without any fish in it” said Izabella. Izabella then did a fancy dance using the kitchen implements (without making any mess) that was quite dashy and a wonder to observe. Stephen picked up a soft toy to imitate what Izabella had done but by comparison it was quite gawky! “I wish I'd had my phone video on when you did that bandy-legged walk Stephen” exclaimed Sonja. So Stephen did it again, only this time it was even funnier as the toy was ‘holding’ a cane that was decorated like a piece of candy. “Oh wow, that was tons better and quite dandy” laughed Sonja.

476 - VIGOR

Despite Debs' caution, Lloyd and Lucas did make it to the gym when they were on holiday in RIO de Janeiro. On the way they had to have each of the car's front visor down because of the sunshine. Lloyd was showing Lucas how to get dressed in his fencing gear (Lloyd had watched many an episode of Judge John Deed). “And finally, this is your vizor” said Lloyd as he completed the outfit. Both of them entered in to the fencing with much vigor (or even vigour!).

477 - HOWDY

HOrace put on his roller skates and, woosh, he was off shouting howdy to anyone he met. It was only when he came to the steep Fore Street that his shouting ceased as he became more and more out of control. He grabbed a lamppost to slow down, but that all went wrong and he finished up limping back up in his socks carrying his skates and nursing his sores.