863 - GRAIL

CLAyton CRamer came from Mississippi and he spoke with a pronounced drawl. Now that he was in his 80s he was becoming a bit frail. His long-term grail had always been to live in a quaint Agatha Christy type English village. So he got his PA to hunt out a suitable property to buy and started making preparations for his relocation, including handing over his business to his daughter (who was much more adept in business than his sons). His wife hated the whole idea. [If this had been happening on the island of St Marie, you would be sure to find one of them dead by the next morning!]

Quaint English Village

862 - PHONY

Larry and Terry were investigative journalists. They had got wind of a company offering whale listening trips far out from land. The deal was that if the customers couldn't hear any whales, they would get their money back, yet no one ever did. So one day, Terry joined the tourist trip and Larry hired a mini-submarine which the mother ship launched in the area where the trips went to. There he waited with his hydrophone on. At first it was quiet, with no whale sounds around. But then it all got very noisy as the trip boat sped out to the area. They turned off their engines and lowered the hydrophone into the sea. After a tense 5 minute wait, the faint sound of whales could be heard, which got louder. Terry was recording just what happened on his audio recorder whilst Larry was also recording what his hydrophone heard; he still heard nothing! Back in the newspaper office, Larry and Terry compared the recordings together with their timestamps. They had their proof. The newspaper headline next day ran "Phony Whale Listening Trips Exposed".

Boat and Whale

861 - MASON

Archie was telling his mates about his school days, and how he was not unfamiliar from receiving a pandy for his misdemeanours. Most of the time these were warrantied and it had helped form the standards of life he lived by. The next day he and his wife had lamb chops for lunch as a special treat. After lunch he went out to speak to the mason who was working on repairing the stonework on his Edwardian house. "That's fine work you're doing there", he said.

Stonemason's work

860 - NOBLE

LEslie Fotherington-Smythe had travelled the globe looking for his purpose in life. But now he lived in Glebe Avenue in Saltash, Cornwall in a non-descript house. Leslie had been of noble birth, but all the conventional outlets for his position had left him aimless. But now he was content to retire, spending time in his upstairs room looking out over the River Tamar, watching the tides, the boats and occasionally seeing the small train heading on its twisty route to Gunnislake.

View across River Tamar

859 - PIQUE

ThE film director came to visit the backdrop for a key scene in the film. He came across a dodgy bit of scenery construction. "That will have to be redone - it's such a bodge", he growled. He grunted in approval at the railcar bogie and how it had been positioned at the end of the siding. Just then the tornado alarm sounded and everyone rushed into the saferooms. After the tornado passed they emerged to see the whole set in disarray, or missing completely. The director felt everyone was glowering at him, as if his manner had brought the tornado! He stormed off the site in a fit of pique and sulked for the rest of the day.

Film set construction

858 - RETRY

Johnny loved making Things from wood. HE set himself the task of making a inteRlocking cube. But this was no easy matter and, time after time, it turned out impossible to get apart or was so loose that it wasn't a puzzle but a give-away. But finally, on his ninth retry, he made one that was just right and he could go to sleep peacefully that night.

Interlocking Wooden Puzzle

857 - CAUSE

LAdy PEnelope burst into the vet's premises, walked straight past reception and those waiting and charged into the treatment room. "There's something wrong with Mr Chang, my lapdog", she said with a strident voice. A vet came and had a look and as gently as possible led her and Mr Chang over to a corner of the room. "I don't want to alarm you, but Mr Chang has a mild infection of mange." "What an outrageous suggestion", shouted Lady P, "how can that be - Mr Chang is well cared for and stays in the house?" She was making quite a scene. The vet hadn't come across Lady P before, but was well trained to deal with not only animals but their owners as well! "I'm sorry that you're upset and can see why", said the vet, but the important things now is to treat Mr Chang. Now you know the cause of the itchy bald skin, Mr Chang can have this cream applied to sort out the infection. I'll do the first treatment now so you can see what to do. Apply this twice weekly and it will clear up soon." "I can't do that", protested a calmer Lady P. "Well, see the receptionist and she can book you in for the treatments here", replied the vet. When Lady P left the vets, there was a collective sigh of relief from all there.

Mr Chang

856 - TEMPO

TEresa was apprehensive each time Guy went to his workshop. There was something he did out there that made a noise that set her teeth on edge. But her apprehension was unfounded today as Guy was forming mortice joints using his tenon saw. Elsewhere in the workshop his latest guitar's final varnish layer had set and he stringed it and played a number of pieces, each one at a faster tempo or different rhythm than the last to satisfy himself that it was a well-made musical instrument.

Caption

855 - GIVEN

Vaughn was sEarching the abandoned mine area wearing his sample pouch, picking up cast off samples that had been mined. His dog Rex had been following him around for a long time and became all winey as he wanted to have a run-around. So Vaughn left off from his searching and let Rex off the leash. As he watched Rex, his mind wandered back to his childhood days and how his knock-kneed legs had stopped him doing much running. He had been glad when his condition wore off as he became older and now every bone, muscle and sinew kept his knees just right. He set off to give Rex a chase and their area of chase would widen bit by bit as the time went on. The running suddenly stopped when Rex froze, confronted by a protective vixen. Rex came back to Vaughn when called and peace was restored. With Rex on the lead they made their way back to the Land Rover and headed home. Once Vaughn had given Rex his dinner he made his own. After dinner they dozed comfortably in front of the log burner for a bit.

Vaughn collecting samples

854 - SMIRK

Ken sat down on the Recliner after a busy day at work. He wanted some peace and quiet but the house was noisy, with the children arguing or practicing the drums and the wife gossiping away on the phone. All the while the TV was on what seemed like full volume. Ken got up and went to the fuse cupboard, put his phone torchlight on and turned off all the electricity, then shot back to his seat, put on his headphones and started playing some gentle Chopin with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. The rest of the house was in disorder for quite a while as no one could see much for a few minutes before anyone could start trying to to get the electricity back on. Ken, meanwhile, was dozing peacefully, his eyes closed in reverie.

Ken enjoying his peace and quiet

853 - OCCUR

It was a daRk evening. Inspector Badger was at the crime scene. One of the local residents was telling him that prior to the scream there was a whirr as something fast went past. It was then that they had seen the severed arm lying on the ground. Inspector Badger studied the scene. There were no vehicle tyre tracks which was baffling. But then his sergeant noticed some animal spoor from something that had clearly been travelling fast. "Does anyone have any knowledge of animal spoor?", he called out to his team. After a pause, a rookie constable gingerly presented himself to the Inspector. "I might be able to help", he offered. "Go ahead", said the Inspector. The constable studied the spoor. "I think these are the tracks of a large cat, similar to a small lion", he said fearfully. With Inspector Badger you could always tell when a key idea would occur to him - it was the change from a sour face to a happy one. "It must have been the black panther we keep hearing stories about", he said with a smile. He set his team collecting evidence and witness statements and returned to his office to ponder what to do next.

Black Panther

852 - SPLAT

LArge Terry was a food glutton. He would frequent the "Eat-it-all-and-we'll-give-you-your-money-back" cafés and diners in his home town. Having polished off a huge breakfast, he went to the unusual café where they played tonal background music and ordered another huge plate of food about 2½ hours after breakfast. Several of his followers gathered to watch, drinking their cappuccinos! It was an amazing sight, watching Large Terry bloat as he forced down his food. It was when he was on his final pancake that Large Terry's stomach could take no more and there was an enormous splat as that day's food all finished up on the floor!🤮 That was one meal that Large Terry had to pay for!

If You Can Finish A 72 Oz Steak At This Iconic Amarillo Restaurant Then It's Free - Narcity

851 - MERCY

GERald had a glass of perry in his hand, but he was quite nervy trying to mingle in the gathering. You see, Gerald was a nerdy fellow who was much more comfortable sitting with keyboard and mouse in his hands and his eyes glued to the screens. Eventually the presentation started, which was all about OM's Mercy Ships. Gerald was fascinated and finished up signing up for a sabbatical from his work and volunteering to serve on one of the ships.

Logo of Mercy Ships

850 - ADULT

LAvinia had always been inTerested in cars. As was her habit she undid the plait she'd slept in and went to pester her Dad once again to let her drive the car. Her Dad was reluctant as the waste ground where she could practice was wet that day. But eventually he handed over the keys and she drove off testing out a new route round the waste ground. Her inexperience showed when, to her annoyance, she got the car into a stall more than once. She didn't like failing at things, so when she got back home there was a mixture of delight and frustration emanating from her. "Don't worry too much Lavinia", said her Dad, "it won't be too long before you're 17, almost an adult, and then you can have some proper lessons that will build your confidence."

Getting a Provisional Driving Licence

849 - GRAPH

The nAtuRalist was explaining to his captive audience about the biology of a shark. "These teeth are very sharp", he explained. "If you look at the teeth from the side, you can see that it looks a bit like a smoother version of a graph of the labour productivity, with peaks and troughs."

Shark Teeth

UK Labour Productivity % change

848 - LEAKY

LeonArd had to stop what hE was doing; he had had to leach some stains out of his trousers. The landlord of the row of cottages knocked on Leonard's door. Breaking off from his leaching, he answered the door and his heart sank. The landlord said "I have some legal documents here regarding your lease for you to sign". Leonard's bulldog sensed the tension and, since he wasn't on his leash, came charging over, barking loudly and baring his teeth. "I'm not signing any documents until you sort out our leaky roof and windows", said Leonard. In the light of Leonard's valid demand and more particularly the bulldog the landlord retreated.

Barking Bulldog

847 - AGENT

AT the End of their visit to the beach (see 847 - UNCLE), they collected their dinghy, sea shells and some skate egg shells they'd also found and headed back home. They were shocked to see a police car and 'CRIME SCENE' tape around the next door neighbour's house. Upon enquiry they were told it had been one of a spate of burglaries that had been going on for a while. Mum tried to set the bread-making machine going, but she found there wasn't enough wheat flour. Then she remembered she had some rye flour. "So long as I use a higher dose of rising agent it should be ok.", she thought.

Egg case of a skate

846 - UNCLE

The famiLy wEre at the seaside, the first time for the little girl. "What is that strange smell?", said the girl. "Oh, that is the smell of the sea", said Mum. Dad thought about explaining it was ozone, but thought better of it. "Let's go exploring", said Mum. They found all sorts of shell types which the parents were able to identify and which the girl collected to decorate her room. They set up their inflatable dingy and went out into the bay. The swell gave the boat a most unpleasant motion and the parents had great difficulty trying to quell the need to be sick. The little girl was enjoying it all, unaffected by the strange motion. She saw a fleck of something pretty floating in the water and reached out to get it. Of course she fell in the water, finishing on her back, the lifevest giving her lovely support. There was a man on the beach who was watching. When he saw the girl fall in, he called out "chile, I'm coming", as he charged into the waves. The girl recognised the voice of her uncle, and very soon her rescuer was at her side and bringing her back to shore. The girl was enjoying every bit of all this, especially seeing her uncle whom she loved. The parents meanwhile were making the best of getting back, swapping in turn between rowing and being sick!

845 - KNELT

RaLph slumped in fronT of thE telly eating his supper of spelt sandwich with cauliflower cheese filling. That night he slept uneasily. Whenever he came to, he found his mind dwelt on things that hadn't gone that well during the daytime. Then he remembered (with fondness) his childhood nighttime practice at bedtime. So he got out of bed and knelt by his bed and let his thoughts turn to the stories of Jesus he'd learned from his youth, uttering a prayer to Jesus. After that he slept soundly for the rest of the night.

844 - SKUNK

Brother Paul was very pious and never failed to attend a ceremony or his periods of solitude. However, whenever he could he sneaked off to the nearby child's playground and, checking no one was watching, he jumped on the big kids swing and swung away, his habit fluttering in the wind. A Mum and child approached the playground. The Mum whispered "shush" to her child and they crept up to the playground wondering if they might spy the monk. Soon there were several families watching. As the monk jumped off the swing, the families all ducked and let the monk return to his monastery without seeing them. Finally they were able to have a good laugh and the kids could jump on the equipment. The monk returned to the monastery in time to attend to the animals in his care. In his case this included a skunk called Horace.

843 - SNAIL

The intrepid expLorer stepped out onto the LunAr landscape. Within a week he'd determined that the moon was made of chalk, with some impressive cliffs that reminded him of his home in Dover. At dinner time he retreated to his spaceship and dined on quail, asparagus and pasta. After a short doze, he slang his sample bag over his shoulder and set off exploring again. Heading round a corner, he was taken aback by the sight of a 2 metre high snail sliding quite quickly across the ground. He didn't fancy finding out if it was benign or not and beat a hasty retreat to his spaceship and took off.

842 - TRUTH

In The teRrible storm, the noisy truck driver was pulling into the motel. Having settled himself in his room, the driver headed to the nearest bar and started to unwind. On the bar TV a commercial promoting Donald Trump came on, protesting his innocence and saying that only he could tell the truth. Everyone in the bar guffawed and shouted "boo".

841 - BINGE

SEveral times that day she had a slice of caramelised biscuit cake. The next day, when she went to put her white blouse on, there was a speck of beige on the front. Then she spotted more. "Bother", she said, "those must have arrived when I did my binge on the cake 🎂!"

84032 - VIOLA

The London Underground wAs started in January 1863, originally known as the Metropolitan Railway. In 1981 the fare structure became zonal with equal fares within a zone and a greater one when covering more than one zone. Watching the crowd of passengers moving through a station from above can resemble a shoal of fish swimming along. The station superintendent liked to see the place look attractive so he planted a load of flowering bedding plants of the viola family. To his surprise the plants thrived in the artificial light of the station.

839 - CHIME

ArchiE was a well-liked child. People would say that the light shone out of his eyes. But at home it was a somewhat different story and his parents would have to chide him frequently. For example, his fussiness with food was bordering on the worrying. Given a meal of cottage cheese and chives he would set to and meticulously remove every piece of chive. At the end there was more cottage cheese on his hands than his plate. At times like this Archie's Mum would retreat to the music room and start playing her chime set.

838 - BUNCH

Felicity's latest friend, Gary, was a very noisy eater. When he took a chunk off a piece of steak, there were lots of slurping sounds. "Humph", Felicity thought to herself - "I've picked a right chump in this one." She was thinking of how she could break it to Gary that she'd finished, but he had a hunch about her plans. Gary was furious and was just about to land a bunch of fives on her when a handsome stranger spotted what was going on and grabbed Gary's arm, wrestling him to the ground. "Clear off" said the stranger and Gary sloped away leaving the stranger and Felicity to get acquainted.

Noisy Steak Eating

837 - SPURT

She planTed heR bedding plants in the new troUgh. After two weeks of inactivity they suddenly put on a spurt.

Bedding Plants in Trough

836 - WHILE

Samantha pLannEd for the meal for her guests. She bought a couple of kilos of mussels and some fresh veg. When she got home she had to shell the mussels and then make a chile and tomatoe sauce. While her guests were enjoying their starter she had to pop out to the kitchen to serve her special dish. Everyone thought it was a delicious meal.

Chile Mussels

835 - MERRY

In a nondEscRipt house a young man was enjoying himself making another remix, combining J S Bach and The Beatles. He had been on a shopping  spree the previous week to buy the equipment for doing this. He was briefly distracted when, looking out of his window, he spotted a puffball fungus explode releasing many a spore into the air. After lunch it was time to head to the garden to shore up the wobbly fence. Then he headed to his garage and carried on with his latest sculpture. He was at the stage where he had to use emery paper to smooth part of the metal in the lathe. On the way back to the house he picked a sloe berry, pausing only to pick several more. There was a card delivered whilst he had been out - it was a Christmas card saying "Merry Christmas". "Bah, humbug", he muttered, as he threw it on the fire.

Spores coming out of puffball fungus

834 - BERET

ThE Retired soldier set his sights on acquiring three hundred items of army uniform items. He had to narrow down his aim and to collect a beret from each of the regiments. Only after achieving that would he broaden the scope of the items to collect. 

Army Berets

833 - DADDY

MAndy was playing in the garden, happily digging away and getting very messy. Then she came across something unusual and rushed into the house going straight to the sink to wash the soil off what she'd found. "Look at these shiny things I found in the garden Daddy", she exclaimed. Daddy was shocked to see in front of him gold Trinovantes coins. "Let's see if there are any more and then we must register them as treasure trove and claim the reward which can go into your savings", he said to Mandy, who hadn't a clue what he was saying! Then it was time for Daddy to clear up the muddy footprints and muddy sink which he didn't mind doing at all!

Trinovantes coin