This is my 9-year-old Granddaughters' version:
Fox wAs taking a morning stroLl with Badger. It was winter and almost everything was either frozen or snowed on. Even the peaceful pond was like a block of ice! It was very noisy the morning Fox and Badger went on their stroll because all the animals were talking about the snow and ice that took place over night. It's like a big white blanket as white as a cloud had been laid on Woodville overnight!
This is my version:
ALl of a sudden the metal roof of the warehouse became very noisy as the dark, almost black, cloud above shed its moisture as rain and hail. Having completed his purchases he held back from taking them to the car until he could wait no longer. He put up his coat's hood in an attempt to block the rain and ran for the car. He was drenched, as were his purchases.
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